I have called three different doctors’ offices (a specialist and two OB/GYN’s) and made appointments only to cancel them. I’m so confused as to who to see. But praise the Lord for my wonderful husband who helps me make decisions. We are going to go see the new doc that replaced my old OB/GYN that moved to Alaska. I’m going on the 11th.
I’m praying for hope and faith. Two things I don’t have all the time. I’ve fallen into the pit of negativity lately and haven’t cared to get out of that pit. But over this Christmas break, I’ve forced myself out and am trying to look at the world with a positive light. One change I need to make is to believe, hope, and know that God will bless us with a child. And God is always on time. Here are some verses that have helped me lately:
As for God, His way is perfect. – Psalm 18:30
Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. – Genesis 30:22
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. – Psalm 25:21
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. – Psalm 33:20
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. - Psalm 71:14
But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. – Romans 8:24-25
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
I'm Not Good With Titles
My day 21 progesterone level was 4.5. The PA said it was supposed to be above a 6 on day 21 if you ovulated. She doesn't think I'm ovulating. I got a positive ovulation test on day 15 of my cycle and a weird semi-positive on day 17. I think I'm ovulating. She said if I'm not pregnant this cycle (which I'm not, I'm spotting today and will start tomorrow) then to start Clomid in January.
Speaking of spotting, I haven't spotted AT ALL this cycle. Crazy, huh? I usually spot at least 5-7 days before my period. I have only spotted today, the day before I'm suppoesd to start, and it's not really spotting, but more of an actual light period. Maybe the metformin is working?
Speaking of metformin, I'm really only taking one pill a day now. It seems to cut down on the nausea. And it still seems to be working.
I went and saw my regular family doctor for a follow-up last Thursday and he said I need to see a fertility specialist. I was all on-board with that, but then we decided to wait a couple of months before we had to a specialist. I just don't think we are there yet.
So I'm going to start charting BBT style tomorrow. That way I can really tell if I'm ovulating or not. After a cycle or two of that, I am going to go get a second opinion. I'm going to take my nearly $2,000 worth of bloodwork results to another doctor and get their take on it. Then- if they say Clomid, I'll start it. But I'm just not convinced it's the drug for me yet.
With my two LEEP procedures, I have an imcompetent cervix, meaning because of the LEEP procedures my cervix is now shorter than it should be. That means I have more of a chance to be a high-risk pregnancy because my cervix may thin out sooner than it should. Add the potential of twins from Clomid AND the short cervix and it makes for one nervous woman-- me! I'm just a little worried about it, so I'm going to wait it out a little.
I'm the kind of person that has to ask a million people for an opinion before I make a choice. It's like I talk something to death before I actually form my own opinion. I was talking to one of my best friends the other day and she stopped me after I asked her what she thought of all this (basically what I explained above). She said, "I'm not telling you my opinion because it doesn't matter. I'm not having a baby-- you and your husband want to. Talk to him. His opinion matters." She was SO right. I hadn't asked my hubby what opinion was because he so often doesn't give me his opinion unless probed. He has opinions, but he's more of a peacemaker and he avoids any type of confrontation, even conversation.
So when I got home, I sat down with him and just told him I was sorry for not talking to him about this and that I needed his opinion. He gave it to me, but then I started fleshing out the fact that maybe I do want to try Clomid, maybe I should make another doctor appointment, etc. Here is the convo:
Hubby: "Let's talk about this another time."
Me: "NO! We need to talk about it now. We can't avoid this."
Hubby: "Ok, but I just don't like this wishy-washyness. You need to make a decision and stick with it."
Me: "Listen, here is the deal. This is why I go to all my girlfriends to talk about it, because I can't throw around ideas with you. I can't flesh it out. You want me to come to you with a concrete decision. But I need to be able to go back and forth with you. I like the fact that you make concrete and consistent decisions. That is why you are the rock. I need to be able to go back and forth and you help me make the decision."
After saying that, it's like he got it. He understood our personality differences and what we both needed. I feel a lot better. We decided to chart for a couple of months and then if things don't happen in a couple of months, we will go get a second opinion from a regular OB/GYN and then go from there.
All this to say, things have been up and down lately. Naturally. Such is my life lately. But things are good. God will give us a baby when His timing is right. And our hearts are right. I'm so blessed to be married to a wonderful man and to have a wonderful family. My life is complete now. I am just excited to hopefully add to it-- sooner rather than later.
Speaking of spotting, I haven't spotted AT ALL this cycle. Crazy, huh? I usually spot at least 5-7 days before my period. I have only spotted today, the day before I'm suppoesd to start, and it's not really spotting, but more of an actual light period. Maybe the metformin is working?
Speaking of metformin, I'm really only taking one pill a day now. It seems to cut down on the nausea. And it still seems to be working.
I went and saw my regular family doctor for a follow-up last Thursday and he said I need to see a fertility specialist. I was all on-board with that, but then we decided to wait a couple of months before we had to a specialist. I just don't think we are there yet.
So I'm going to start charting BBT style tomorrow. That way I can really tell if I'm ovulating or not. After a cycle or two of that, I am going to go get a second opinion. I'm going to take my nearly $2,000 worth of bloodwork results to another doctor and get their take on it. Then- if they say Clomid, I'll start it. But I'm just not convinced it's the drug for me yet.
With my two LEEP procedures, I have an imcompetent cervix, meaning because of the LEEP procedures my cervix is now shorter than it should be. That means I have more of a chance to be a high-risk pregnancy because my cervix may thin out sooner than it should. Add the potential of twins from Clomid AND the short cervix and it makes for one nervous woman-- me! I'm just a little worried about it, so I'm going to wait it out a little.
I'm the kind of person that has to ask a million people for an opinion before I make a choice. It's like I talk something to death before I actually form my own opinion. I was talking to one of my best friends the other day and she stopped me after I asked her what she thought of all this (basically what I explained above). She said, "I'm not telling you my opinion because it doesn't matter. I'm not having a baby-- you and your husband want to. Talk to him. His opinion matters." She was SO right. I hadn't asked my hubby what opinion was because he so often doesn't give me his opinion unless probed. He has opinions, but he's more of a peacemaker and he avoids any type of confrontation, even conversation.
So when I got home, I sat down with him and just told him I was sorry for not talking to him about this and that I needed his opinion. He gave it to me, but then I started fleshing out the fact that maybe I do want to try Clomid, maybe I should make another doctor appointment, etc. Here is the convo:
Hubby: "Let's talk about this another time."
Me: "NO! We need to talk about it now. We can't avoid this."
Hubby: "Ok, but I just don't like this wishy-washyness. You need to make a decision and stick with it."
Me: "Listen, here is the deal. This is why I go to all my girlfriends to talk about it, because I can't throw around ideas with you. I can't flesh it out. You want me to come to you with a concrete decision. But I need to be able to go back and forth with you. I like the fact that you make concrete and consistent decisions. That is why you are the rock. I need to be able to go back and forth and you help me make the decision."
After saying that, it's like he got it. He understood our personality differences and what we both needed. I feel a lot better. We decided to chart for a couple of months and then if things don't happen in a couple of months, we will go get a second opinion from a regular OB/GYN and then go from there.
All this to say, things have been up and down lately. Naturally. Such is my life lately. But things are good. God will give us a baby when His timing is right. And our hearts are right. I'm so blessed to be married to a wonderful man and to have a wonderful family. My life is complete now. I am just excited to hopefully add to it-- sooner rather than later.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Enough is Enough
The nausea is back. I'm about tired of this Metformin. I have an appointment with the PA I saw to talk about another route. I am also getting to get my day 21 progesterone level drawn on Saturday. Hopefully (is that morbid to be hopeful about it?) it will show that I have low progesterone and it will be an easy fix. I don't think that ovulation is my issue--I think it's low progesterone. Either way, I can't live with this up and down nausea, diarrhea, and sickness. If I eat anything sugary, have more than 1 glass of wine, or eat a lot of carbs-- I am SICK! It is not fun. I guess it's a good thing because I shouldn't have those things, but still. I'm just not sure if it's worth it or working enough to be that sick. Either way....we will find out next week what is next. More to come...
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