I can't even begin to tell you about the cyclical nature of trying to conceive. Some days you are grasping, almost clawing at control of the situation. Like the other day, we hadn't tried on day 15 (as per our every other day schedule) and it was day 16. We were both too tired to try, so we decided not to. I almost couldn't go to sleep at first because I just knew that if we didn't get pregnant this morning it would be because we didn't try on day 15! But then I realized that if God wanted us to get pregnant this month, we would get pregnant whether we had sex on day 15 or not.
Then there are other days when I don't even thinking about it. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I go a whole day without thinking about it, but I don't obsess--check my period calendar--etc. some days. I'm either just busy or thinking about other things.
Then other days I'm just a little back and forth. Not grasping, not completely oblivious. Just kind of there. Thinking about it, not necessarily worried, just thinking. Hubby and I just found out that ANOTHER one of our friends is pregnant. That makes about 7 in our close friends circle. It's not that we aren't happy! It's just that, as my hubby put it, we want it to be our turn.
Today in my "Jesus Calling" devotional, I read this:
"To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand."
God is always on time. In this day, with this quote, and certaintly He will be with this baby.
I've begun thinking about what it will be like after we actually have the baby. For the longest time, I've just been obsessed with getting pregnant, being pregnant. But now I'm more excited about being a parent, not just being pregnant. Although I am excited about that, but I'm shifting my focus to the rest of our life and what will change...not just the first 9 months.
It's a day to day battle. Things are going well. We are praying for patience, praying to trust in God's timing. We are in this together, and I wouldn't change that for the whole world.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
What not to say...
I was going to come up with my own list, but I started googling it (of course). So, I've compiled a list of my favorite things I've read. I'll site the places where I found it if I use a direct quote. Here we go:
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What not to say to someone who is trying to conceive....
1. Just stop trying and it will happen.
Some people do actually have to try. Hard. And some people have to go to the doctor. Some hoodoo-voodoo way of conceiving doesn’talways work for everyone. God made doctors and doctors study this kind of stuff.
I know exactly how my body works now. I can tell when I’m ovulating and when I’m not. Even if I wanted to “stop trying”there would be no way. I’d still try to have sex on the right days. And if you wanted something bad enough, wouldn’t you try for it? A degree, a hobby, a new house? I am just trying for what I want.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: "Really? I thought you did have to have sex to make a baby!" (source www.thebump.com)
2. Just relax!
This one was my favorite:
"Thank you for this bit of wisdom! I can’t believe my doctor didn’t tell it to me earlier. I’ll definitely remind you of this next time you’re having problems with a life-altering decision. I’m sure it will make it easier." (source www.mommyish.com)
And—I lead a relaxing lifestyle—some may even call it lazy some days. I watch a lot of TV with my husband, I neglect housework until the weekends, I have great friendships, the most hilarious family around. I’m relaxed, okay!
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: “I don’t that relaxing are going to increase my progesterone levels. Thanks, though.”
3. You are young...you have plenty of time.
Does this mean I’m stupid because I’m young? If I were 18, maybe. But I’m not. I’m almost 26 years old. My husband is over 30. We know we want this and it doesn’t change the fact that we want it because of our age.
While it is true that it’s easier to get pregnant at a younger age, it still doesn’t help.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: That doesn’t change our desire for it.
4. 6 months? That's nothing!There are people that have been trying for 3+ years!
“Infertility is emotionally, spiritually and, often, physically painful.Don’t negate another person’s pain by pointing out that there are others out there who hurt more. There are no winners in the Pain Olympics." (source Momlogic.com)
Also, pain is relative. 6 months to me may be excruciating while some people don’t even worry about it until they have been trying for a year. It’s all relative to the person.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: Yea—it’s all relative.
5. Everything happens for a reason.
While I wouldn’t take back these last months of trying to conceive, and while I do believe that God works everything out for his glory and good, I’m not sure that this is exactly comforting. At least not on this side of the story. Maybe AFTER I get pregnant, maybe. But it’s true…God’s ways are not my ways, and it says in the Bible that His ways are perfect. This one isn’t so bad, but only if you have the right attitude about it.
6. Are you pregnant yet?
Best thing to say for this one: Yes, I am and it must have slipped my mind to tell you…
========================
Let me just say that it doesn't bother me when people who have or currently are experiencing trying to conceive or infertility talk to me about these things. Sometimes I don't even care if they say these things to me. It's because they understand. They mean it from the purest place. Also, I don’t care if my closest friends say these things to me because they have my best interest in mind. It’s when some random person comes up and says this crap. That’s when I want to say something smart aleck…even though I normally don’t.
The best thing to say is, "I'm sorry. Please let me know how I can help. I’m always here to listen to you."
Hope some of these made you laugh or at least made you understand somethings a little better. I didn’t mean for any of them to across as mean, just from the heart and true.
===============
What not to say to someone who is trying to conceive....
1. Just stop trying and it will happen.
Some people do actually have to try. Hard. And some people have to go to the doctor. Some hoodoo-voodoo way of conceiving doesn’talways work for everyone. God made doctors and doctors study this kind of stuff.
I know exactly how my body works now. I can tell when I’m ovulating and when I’m not. Even if I wanted to “stop trying”there would be no way. I’d still try to have sex on the right days. And if you wanted something bad enough, wouldn’t you try for it? A degree, a hobby, a new house? I am just trying for what I want.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: "Really? I thought you did have to have sex to make a baby!" (source www.thebump.com)
2. Just relax!
This one was my favorite:
"Thank you for this bit of wisdom! I can’t believe my doctor didn’t tell it to me earlier. I’ll definitely remind you of this next time you’re having problems with a life-altering decision. I’m sure it will make it easier." (source www.mommyish.com)
And—I lead a relaxing lifestyle—some may even call it lazy some days. I watch a lot of TV with my husband, I neglect housework until the weekends, I have great friendships, the most hilarious family around. I’m relaxed, okay!
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: “I don’t that relaxing are going to increase my progesterone levels. Thanks, though.”
3. You are young...you have plenty of time.
Does this mean I’m stupid because I’m young? If I were 18, maybe. But I’m not. I’m almost 26 years old. My husband is over 30. We know we want this and it doesn’t change the fact that we want it because of our age.
While it is true that it’s easier to get pregnant at a younger age, it still doesn’t help.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: That doesn’t change our desire for it.
4. 6 months? That's nothing!There are people that have been trying for 3+ years!
“Infertility is emotionally, spiritually and, often, physically painful.Don’t negate another person’s pain by pointing out that there are others out there who hurt more. There are no winners in the Pain Olympics." (source Momlogic.com)
Also, pain is relative. 6 months to me may be excruciating while some people don’t even worry about it until they have been trying for a year. It’s all relative to the person.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: Yea—it’s all relative.
5. Everything happens for a reason.
While I wouldn’t take back these last months of trying to conceive, and while I do believe that God works everything out for his glory and good, I’m not sure that this is exactly comforting. At least not on this side of the story. Maybe AFTER I get pregnant, maybe. But it’s true…God’s ways are not my ways, and it says in the Bible that His ways are perfect. This one isn’t so bad, but only if you have the right attitude about it.
6. Are you pregnant yet?
Best thing to say for this one: Yes, I am and it must have slipped my mind to tell you…
========================
Let me just say that it doesn't bother me when people who have or currently are experiencing trying to conceive or infertility talk to me about these things. Sometimes I don't even care if they say these things to me. It's because they understand. They mean it from the purest place. Also, I don’t care if my closest friends say these things to me because they have my best interest in mind. It’s when some random person comes up and says this crap. That’s when I want to say something smart aleck…even though I normally don’t.
The best thing to say is, "I'm sorry. Please let me know how I can help. I’m always here to listen to you."
Hope some of these made you laugh or at least made you understand somethings a little better. I didn’t mean for any of them to across as mean, just from the heart and true.
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