It's a No Go

I'm not pregnant.  I'm a lot less upset than I thought I would be.  I think it's because I already got upset way back in the process when I didn't feel pregnant.  I did have symptoms in the past 2 weeks-- nausea, cramping, headaches, fatigue.  But it may have just been my hypersensitivity to my body because of TTC.  AF hasn't come yet (today is the day I'm supposed to start), but I just took another pregnancy test and it was negative.  I am spotting off and on and have been for the last 5 days. 

Our original goal was to stop trying if it didn't work this month until November/December.  I was talking to my hubby about when we would be due if we did get pregnant towards the end of the year, and he said "Why don't we just try again next month?"  I thought he didn't want me to be newly pregnant on our vacation in November!  But he says he is up to trying again next month.

It has been SO up and down these past 2 weeks.  I'm not sure I am up for the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive....again.  I'll be praying and thinking about it the next week or so and will make a decision.  I think I will try to use the ovulation tests so it's not as much trying aimlessly, but more focused trying. 

I'll keep my zero followers updated as to what we decide!

Obsessive Tester?

As of today, I'm 9 DPO (days past ovulation) and I have had two negative tests since the last test I took.  I realized today that the dollar store tests I bought were not early detection tests.  So I took the plunge and went and bought some First Response Tests from Wal-Mart.  I'm going to take one tomorrow and then on Friday if that one is negative.  The tests say you can get a positive result with these tests 6 days before your period is due!  Tomorrow will be 4-5 days before, so if I am pregnant I might know sooner rather than later.

Today I had some spotting/bleeding.  Sometimes I spot before AF so it very well could be that.  OR it could be implantation bleeding.  Today I feel really bloated.  All of these symptoms could be AF symptoms OR they could be pregnancy symptoms.  We will just have to wait and see.  I was tempted to buy a digital test tonight, but I told myself that I would wait until I get an actual positive and then splurge for the digital one that says "pregnant".  If I am not pregnant (which is okay with me right now-- I'm happy either way) I don't want ot spend the $10 on it. 

It helps so much to be able to blog my feelings/thoughts this week as I'm leading up to the big testing days.  Be on the look out for some updates!

Two Week Wait

The dreaded "two week wait" has begun. I've been analyzing every single twinge and feeling.  I know I'm not supposed to do that, but how can I not?  I have been really tired lately, but it comes in spurts.  All of a sudden I'll just be exhausted and I sleep very soundly.  And I feel better after taking a nap.  Maybe that's just normal for me, but who knows?  I have also felt a little pressure in my lower abdomen--in particular 2-3 days ago. 

I had a wild hair and took a pregnancy test yesterday.  Not really sure why I did because it's way way way too early to tell.  It was negative of course.  If my ovulation prediction is correct, I can begin testing next Wednesday or Thursday.  AF (Aunt Flo) is supposed to come on Saturday or Sunday.  I'll begin taking tests each morning just to see if one shows up with a BFP (big fat positive)! 

I've told myself that if I'm not pregnant it's okay.  I'll just busy myself with preparing for our vacation in November.  Then we can try again for a baby.  I'm trying to be excited about both options-- being pregnant and not being pregnant to have fun on vacation.  I'd really rather be pregnant, but I have to have a backup plan so I don't get disappointed. 

God is in control, so I know whatever happens is for the best.  It might take me a day or two to really accept that if I'm not pregnant, but it will be okay.  I'll be okay.  I'm just trying to enjoy the experience.

Next Wednesday (when I will begin testing) isn't that far away.  And knowing me, I'll begin testing on Tuesday-- just in case.  I swear I'm neurotic sometimes.  I'm sure other women are the same way, though.  I don't feel too crazy.  It's somewhat normal I think.

So at the end of next week I will know for sure (maybe at the end of next week or the beginning of the next) whether I'm pregnant or not.  Here is to the next week!

A Change of Heart

My attitude has improved completely.  Here is why—because God has it under control.

I ordered those ovulation tests 2 weeks ago, and they still hadn’t come in.  So I was thinking-I'm not going to get pregnant because I have no idea when I’m ovulating!  In school last night the devotional was on using God’s name in vain and on God’s timing.  The instructor said:

“God is never late.  He is always on time.  We may have wanted to him to be on our schedule 2 weeks ago, but he is always right on time.”

When I got home, my ovulation tests had come in and so I took one and guess what??


I was ovulating!  We “tried” for our last time of this cycle.  This morning I was thinking about the devo last night.  Isn’t it cool how God was right on time?  I wanted those tests 2 weeks ago...right when I ordered them.  But God had them come to me right when it was on His timing…yesterday.  Right when I was ovulating.  God is good and I trust in His perfect plan and His perfect timing.

What's All This Talk About Patience?

When we pray at night for our future baby and for blessings on our baby making, we always pray that God will give us patience to accept his timing.  Lately I have been bombarded with that word "patience" and even today at church they talked about accepting God's timing and be patient.  Hubby nudged me when the pastor said that because he knows I have issues with patience.

So what does this all mean?  Does this mean that God is preparing my heart like I've asked him to by letting me know that we are in fact not going to be pregnant this month?  Is that what all this patience talk is about?  My first reaction is UGH!  I don't want to have to be patient.  I want to be pregnant.  All this trying is going to be for nothing?

I know this is the not the right reaction, but God calls us to be honest with him.  So I am being honest.  I know God sees my whole life and not just today, like I do.  And let me remind you-- I have no idea if I am pregnant or not!  I still have the dreaded "two week wait".  So why am I getting my panties in a wad already?  I'm not sure exactly.  I guess I'm trying to prepare myself for the disappointment of not being pregnant.  I may be, I may not be.  Either way, it will be God's plan.  I'm just struggling with this patience thing. 

I guess I'm going to have to pray for God to help me accept his timing and help me accept having to be patient.  Whether that means I need patience for this next two weeks and then he will bless us with being pregnant, or it may mean I am going to have to wait until after November to think about baby making again.  Either way, I still need God to help me accept this whole patience thing. 

3 Days and Counting

We have been trying for 3 days now...well 5 days, but 3 days if you count the actual "trying" days.  It's been really fun and we are trying to not make it mundane and boring.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up completely.  I talked to a lady today who has been trying for 3 months and she is kind of bummed it hasn't happened yet.  I also know of a lady who it took 6 years to have a baby.  I'm just praying for God to prepare my heart...for whatever may happen.  I'm not sure really what to expect.  I'm trying to expect nothing, but you know how hard that is. 

I think I'm ovulating today.  My ovulation tests and pregnancy tests have not come in yet; I was hoping they would come in yesterday or today.  So I don't know for sure if I'm ovulating, but I'm feeling some left sided pain.  My ovarian cyst is on the right side, so it very well may be ovulation. 

I read on a website that women who drink tea are 7 times more likely to conceive than those who do not.  Therefore, I'm drinking some French Vanilla Tea right now.  It's pretty good, but tea isn't my favorite.  I'd rather drink a Diet Coke.

I'll continue to write on how I'm feeling during this time and keep everyone (all zero of my followers) updated.