When we pray at night for our future baby and for blessings on our baby making, we always pray that God will give us patience to accept his timing. Lately I have been bombarded with that word "patience" and even today at church they talked about accepting God's timing and be patient. Hubby nudged me when the pastor said that because he knows I have issues with patience.
So what does this all mean? Does this mean that God is preparing my heart like I've asked him to by letting me know that we are in fact not going to be pregnant this month? Is that what all this patience talk is about? My first reaction is UGH! I don't want to have to be patient. I want to be pregnant. All this trying is going to be for nothing?
I know this is the not the right reaction, but God calls us to be honest with him. So I am being honest. I know God sees my whole life and not just today, like I do. And let me remind you-- I have no idea if I am pregnant or not! I still have the dreaded "two week wait". So why am I getting my panties in a wad already? I'm not sure exactly. I guess I'm trying to prepare myself for the disappointment of not being pregnant. I may be, I may not be. Either way, it will be God's plan. I'm just struggling with this patience thing.
I guess I'm going to have to pray for God to help me accept his timing and help me accept having to be patient. Whether that means I need patience for this next two weeks and then he will bless us with being pregnant, or it may mean I am going to have to wait until after November to think about baby making again. Either way, I still need God to help me accept this whole patience thing.
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