11 Week Bumpdate

I get really confused by all this week stuff.  Today I'm officially 11 weeks, but that means tomorrow I will be entering into my 12th week.  And some of this stuff will be repeats since I just posted two days ago about my 10th week.  Basically it means this one will be boring. :)

How Far Along: 11 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Don't know yet.

Maternity Clothes: Yup! Mainly pants, not really big enough for shirts yet, although I wear them sometimes.

Stretch Marks?: Nope.

Gender: Not sure yet.  Only 5 weeks until we find out for sure!

Movement: Not yet!

Sleep: Pretty good actually.

Belly Button In or Out?: In.

What I Miss: Today I miss wine.

Cravings: Chinese.

Best Moment This Week: Not feeling so bloated.

What I’m Looking Forward To: Our appointment next week!

Picture: Not yet... :)

10 Week Bumpdate

How Far Along: 10 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Not sure.  Maybe a little weight gain--but we will find out next week!

Maternity Clothes: I bought two pairs of maternity work pants, finally.  I need some more.  I plan on buying some tomorrow, actually. 

Stretch Marks?: Nope!

Gender: Not sure yet.  Will find out in about 5 weeks!!  I'm hoping maybe if it's a boy--we will find out at our 12 week ultrasound.  A girl can hope, right?

Movement: Nope--I can't wait for that!

Sleep: I need to break down and get a body pillow.  I want one that goes around my back and between my legs.  I don't want one that goes in front of me.  I might just buy a regular body pillow and if that doesn't work then spring for an expensive pregnancy one.  We will see.

Belly Button In or Out?: In.

What I Miss: Not gagging at random things, having more energy, coffee--I just haven't been wanting it lately.

Cravings: Chinese (specifically crab rangoon) and Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos this week.

Best Moment This Week: Getting to show people I was pregnant at a wedding this weekend--it was fun!

What I’m Looking Forward To: My 12 week appointment is next week--yes I know I'm a little behind.  I'm going to do my 11 week bumpdate later this week. 

Picture: I have a couple, but again I'm not going to reveal them just yet. :)  I need to be better about taking them.

9 Week Bumpdate

How Far Along: 9 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I don't think I've gained too much yet.  We will find out at our 12 week appointment--conveniently our scale is broken.

Maternity Clothes: Still wearing my maternity jeans and some shirts.  I tried using a Belly Band this week, but not sure about it yet.  I'm hoping to buy some maternity work pants soon.

Stretch Marks?: Nope, not yet.

Gender: I'm still calling it a boy.  Most people still think it's a girl. 

Movement: Nope, but I read that the baby responds to my touch now so sometimes I poke him a little to see if he will move around. :)

Sleep: I haven't been getting up in the middle of the night to pee anymore.  And I slept with a pillow between my knees last night and I slept amazingly.  It takes pressure off my hips/back.

Belly Button In or Out?: Still got an inny.

What I Miss: Having energy and acne medicine for my face (it looks horrible).

Cravings: I craved Long John Silvers once this week.  Most things don't really sound good, so I'm just eating whatever sounds okay at the moment.

Best Moment This Week: Getting a TON of maternity clothes from a sweet lady at work!

What I’m Looking Forward To: Going to a wedding in Georgia this next weekend and hopefully showing off my little baby bump in the dress that I'm wearing.

Picture: I finally got my belly bump stickers to take pictures with this week-- I've already missed the 8 week one and the next one isn't until 12 weeks.  But, I might still take one at 9 weeks with the 8 week sticker.  But not until I announce my pregnancy on Facebook and on my real blog will I post a picture.  :)

8 Week Bumpdate

I could write so much---about how I've been feeling sick, thought I had the flu, been weaning off my Lexapro, etc.  I don't feel like it.  The last two days I have felt like a new woman.  So therefore, here is my first 8 week bumpdate...

How Far Along: 8 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Today at the doctor was I actually a pound or two lighter than I normally am.  So I say zero weight gain or loss.  I fluctuate normally, anyway.

Maternity Clothes: I love them.  I have some maternity jeans that I wear a lot.  And some maternity shirts, but I mainly wear my normal clothes to work.  But it's getting uncomfortable, so I'm in the market for some maternity clothes--and soon!

Stretch Marks?: No--I've not been as good about putting my belly cream on; I need to be better about that.

Gender: I'm thinking boy for some reason.  My nephew and niece (and my mom) all say it's a girl.  Who knows?  The heart rate was 186 today.  The old wives tale says that means girl, but you never know.

Movement: Not yet, but the baby was moving on the ultrasound today!  It was moving its legs around.  It was so cute!

Sleep: I get up once a night now--around 3 a.m.--to pee.  I'm loving sleep, but am starting to not need naps daily like I did for a couple of weeks.

Belly Button In or Out?: In still-- although my belly is starting to stick out  more.  I know it's bloat, but it's fun.

What I Miss: Jimmy John's sandwiches, feeling 100% well, massages

Cravings: Not a whole lot--more aversions than cravings.  Nothing really ever sounds good.  Although, I have been always wanting Orange Leaf lately.

Best Moment This Week: Seeing the baby on the ultrasound and hearing the heart beat!

What I’m Looking Forward To: Our next appointment at 12 weeks and seeing the baby again on ultrasound.

Picture: I don't have a good picture yet, but hey-- this is an anonymous blog so I can't post a picture anyway. :)

Big News!

NOTE: This was written on Friday, February 10th.  More to come soon!

I AM PREGNANT!!!  7th month must be the charm.  Ok-- let me back up.  Here is how it happened.

Hubby was on his way home and asked if I needed anything before he came home.  I said no, but then he asked if I wanted some wine.  I said sure-- that would be great.  Then I thought to myself-- I better test to make sure I'm not pregnant just in case.  I'm either 9 or 10 dpo today---since I didn't take ovulation tests, I don't know when I actually ovulated.  So I go in to the bathroom and take an internet cheapie (uber sensitive) test.  And this is what I saw:

You may not see it, but I did!  It was there.  A very small, very faint pink line.  My husband wasn't home yet.  I took a million pictures of it and then went and got the Big Brother t-shirt I got for our dog and set it on the toilet seat with the test.

When my husband got home I told him to put everything down--I had something to show him.  I took him into the bathroom and showed it to him.  He said--what is this?  I only see one line.  I told him to keep looking and that it was positive and that we had to go get a digital test right away!

He scarfed down his dinner I had made him and then we went to Wal-mart to get a digital test.  I got the random urge to pee, badly as soon as we were on our way home.  I took the digital test which is when I got the "Pregnant"!  It's the picture at the beginning of this post. 

We are ecstatic!!!!  I have been feeling a little bloated lately, constipated, I have sore breasts, been having stomach cramps, and have felt a little tired.  I'm still worried because it's so early and of course we aren't telling anyone yet.  I'm going to keep testing with my internet cheapies and call to make an appointment with my doctor on Monday. 

I'm so glad that I tested "just in case".  Hubby and I prayed that God would be with us during this time and that he would prepare us and keep the little baby in my belly safe.  PRAISE THE LORD!!  He is faithful and this whole journey was worth it!

Grasping

I can't even begin to tell you about the cyclical nature of trying to conceive.  Some days you are grasping, almost clawing at control of the situation.  Like the other day, we hadn't tried on day 15 (as per our every other day schedule) and it was day 16.  We were both too tired to try, so we decided not to.  I almost couldn't go to sleep at first because I just knew that if we didn't get pregnant this morning it would be because we didn't try on day 15!  But then I realized that if God wanted us to get pregnant this month, we would get pregnant whether we had sex on day 15 or not.

Then there are other days when I don't even thinking about it.  I wouldn't go so far as to say that I go a whole day without thinking about it, but I don't obsess--check my period calendar--etc. some days.  I'm either just busy or thinking about other things.

Then other days I'm just a little back and forth.  Not grasping, not completely oblivious.  Just kind of there.  Thinking about it, not necessarily worried, just thinking.  Hubby and I just found out that ANOTHER one of our friends is pregnant.  That makes about 7 in our close friends circle.  It's not that we aren't happy!  It's just that, as my hubby put it, we want it to be our turn. 

Today in my "Jesus Calling" devotional, I read this:

"To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand."

God is always on time.  In this day, with this quote, and certaintly He will be with this baby.

I've begun thinking about what it will be like after we actually have the baby.  For the longest time, I've just been obsessed with getting pregnant, being pregnant.  But now I'm more excited about being a parent, not just being pregnant.  Although I am excited about that, but I'm shifting my focus to the rest of our life and what will change...not just the first 9 months.

It's a day to day battle.  Things are going well.  We are praying for patience, praying to trust in God's timing.  We are in this together, and I wouldn't change that for the whole world.

What not to say...

I was going to come up with my own list, but I started googling it (of course). So, I've compiled a list of my favorite things I've read. I'll site the places where I found it if I use a direct quote. Here we go:

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What not to say to someone who is trying to conceive....

1. Just stop trying and it will happen.

Some people do actually have to try.  Hard. And some people have to go to the doctor.  Some hoodoo-voodoo way of conceiving doesn’talways work for everyone.  God made doctors and doctors study this kind of stuff.

I know exactly how my body works now.  I can tell when I’m ovulating and when I’m not.  Even if I wanted to “stop trying”there would be no way.  I’d still try to have sex on the right days.  And if you wanted something bad enough, wouldn’t you try for it? A degree, a hobby, a new house?  I am just trying for what I want.

Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: "Really? I thought you did have to have sex to make a baby!" (source www.thebump.com)

2. Just relax!

This one was my favorite:

"Thank you for this bit of wisdom! I can’t believe my doctor didn’t tell it to me earlier. I’ll definitely remind you of this next time you’re having problems with a life-altering decision. I’m sure it will make it easier." (source www.mommyish.com)

And—I lead a relaxing lifestyle—some may even call it lazy some days.  I watch a lot of TV with my husband, I neglect housework until the weekends, I have great friendships, the most hilarious family around.  I’m relaxed, okay! 

Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: “I don’t that relaxing are going to increase my progesterone levels.  Thanks, though.”

3. You are young...you have plenty of time.

Does this mean I’m stupid because I’m young?  If I were 18, maybe.  But I’m not.  I’m almost 26 years old.  My husband is over 30.  We know we want this and it doesn’t change the fact that we want it because of our age.

While it is true that it’s easier to get pregnant at a younger age, it still doesn’t help.

Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: That doesn’t change our desire for it.

4. 6 months? That's nothing!There are people that have been trying for 3+ years!

“Infertility is emotionally, spiritually and, often, physically painful.Don’t negate another person’s pain by pointing out that there are others out there who hurt more. There are no winners in the Pain Olympics." (source Momlogic.com)

Also, pain is relative.  6 months to me may be excruciating while some people don’t even worry about it until they have been trying for a year.  It’s all relative to the person.
Here is what you could say if someone said that to you: Yea—it’s all relative.

5. Everything happens for a reason.

While I wouldn’t take back these last months of trying to conceive, and while I do believe that God works everything out for his glory and good, I’m not sure that this is exactly comforting. At least not on this side of the story. Maybe AFTER I get pregnant, maybe. But it’s true…God’s ways are not my ways, and it says in the Bible that His ways are perfect.  This one isn’t so bad, but only if you have the right attitude about it.

6. Are you pregnant yet?

Best thing to say for this one: Yes, I am and it must have slipped my mind to tell you…

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Let me just say that it doesn't bother me when people who have or currently are experiencing trying to conceive or infertility talk to me about these things. Sometimes I don't even care if they say these things to me. It's because they understand. They mean it from the purest place. Also, I don’t care if my closest friends say these things to me because they have my best interest in mind.  It’s when some random person comes up and says this crap.  That’s when I want to say something smart aleck…even though I normally don’t. 

The best thing to say is, "I'm sorry. Please let me know how I can help. I’m always here to listen to you."

Hope some of these made you laugh or at least made you understand somethings a little better.  I didn’t mean for any of them to across as mean, just from the heart and true.

Normal!

We are entering into the 7th month of trying to conceive.  I'm not going to take any ovulation tests this month since I know I'm ovulating (per bloodwork and 2-3 months of positive ovulation tests).  We are just going to try every other day.  We started on day 5-- too early I know.  But the more the merrier, right?  I'm on day 11 now.  Doctors always choose even days, and we've always done even days, but we are switching it up.  Watch out!

Oh yea-- the semen analysis was normal!  PTL!  I don't know what I really expected, but I am so excited that things are great.  It means I have eggs, he has sperm, and we are in the baby-making business.

Updates to follow... 

Feeling Better

I'm feeling much better about everything...I just needed a day or two to sulk.  I'm looking towards the positive:

If we get pregnant next month, it will be a week or so after Valentine's Day.
If we get pregnant in March, we will find out a week before my birthday.
If we get pregnant in April, our due date will be Christmas day.
If we get pregnant in May, it will be the best Mother's Day gift.

If we aren't pregnant in May, we are going to stop for a while.  Just like I've mentioned early in this blog, I have a big work event every year in July.  I don't want to be less than 3 months pregnant while there.  It's an entire week and mostly outside in the hot weather.  So that is four more cycles left to make a baby.

The hubby goes for his semen analysis on Monday.  I'm praying we get good results.  It's kind of like I want something to be wrong so at least we know what is causing this infertility, but then again I don't want anything to be wrong.  It's weird, really.

It's funny how cyclical this whole process is.  I'm calm and methodical at the beginning of each cycle, then we try try try, and I wait wait wait.  Then (so far at least) we get negative results and I'm sad.  Then a day or two later I'm back at the beginning of the cycle.  A cyclical cycle. 

Anyway, I'm enjoying another couple of weeks enjoying sushi and wine, and my husband all to myself. God has a plan, and I'm still trying to trust in it and believe in it.  Things will all turn out okay.

Not Pregnant

WARNING: The following is a hormonal rant.

I'm not pregnant.  And I'm hormonal and spotting.  And bloated.  I feel fat.  I want to diet, but don't feel like it.  I tell myself that maybe if I lose 10 pounds by eating well, run 3 times a week, drink green tea, and do yoga I'll get pregnant.  Right now, all I want to do is go to sleep.  And it's 8:25 p.m.  I just read where Diet Coke can make you gain weight.  I knew this, but shouldn't have read it while I was in a foul mood.  I'm not pregnant.

P.S. Ok, that is the end of my hormonal rant.  Tomorrow is a brand new day and for that I am grateful.  I'm also grateful for a wonderful, supportive, hilarious husband who makes each and every day and situation a million times better.

Spotting...

I started spotting today.  I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of discouraged.  Then I go to www.twoweekwait.com and check out symptoms of those people who spotted and still were pregnant.  It could happen still, I guess.  Maybe it’s implantation bleeding?  I spot before every cycle though, so who knows?

I think back to what I said to the hubby last night before bed.  I’m at this point where I’m okay if it’s not the right timing to have a baby.  I want God’s will, not mine.  If it’s His will for it to happen now, awesome.  If it’s not, I don’t want it to.  Living that out is going to be harder than saying it though. But I really do believe it.  I want God’s best for me and my family.

I’m believing in this truth today:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neitherare your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
-Isaiah 55:8-9

God, You’re will be done. Not mine.  I believe You are a good God.  I believe You will bless me and my husband with a baby.  Help me to trust in Your timing and Your plan.  I love You.

Testing, Testing...1, 2, 3

I've taken two pregnancy tests.  I'm counting the time I ovulated on day 15 of my cycle as my true ovulation date.  So, I've taken a test 10 dpo and 11 dpo.  Negative.  I told myself I wouldn't take one until 12 dpo, but yea right!  I have 5 tests, so most likely I'll use them all.

I am feeling very hopeful this cycle, but my stupid head keeps telling myself to not get my hopes up.  I just have to have faith that God knows what He is doing, no matter if I'm pregnant this month or not.

I'm having some symptoms this month-- sore breasts, VERY emotional, migraines, acne.  We will see if this is just because my hormones are balancing out or if I'm pregnant.

If I'm not pregnant, the hubby is going to get a semen analysis on the 23rd.  Because we live in town he can do it at home and take it in.  He's still not looking forward to it, but is going to do it because he wants to know how everything checks out. 

I need to remember that God is good.  He knows what He is doing.  The negativity does not come from Him.  But I am sure praying (and hoping) that this is THE month.  The month where He blesses us with a little baby in my belly.  I'll keep the blog updated as the next few days pan out.

High Progesterone Level

My day 22 progesterone level was 14.4!!!  Last month on day 21 it was 4.8.  God is good.  It is high and good.  This either means I'm pregnant or I'm ovulating well! 

The New Action Plan

Today I went and saw a different doctor in the OB/GYN practice I go to.  It's the same practice that the PA is in.  I had originally scheduled with one doctor, but she got called away to two deliveries.  After waiting for two hours, I finally saw a different doctor than I had originally been scheduled with.  God sure has a sense of humor.  I had put a lot of thought into which doctor to see and why and then when it came down to it, God had a different plan.  And by that time (2 hours in) I was totally cool with God's plan.  And I loved the doctor!!

So, now down to the good stuff.  She basically said she wasn't all the way convinced I had PCOS but that Metformin wouldn't hurt me to take it.  In fact, she said studies show that Metformin increases fertility either way.  She said I don't have to take Clomid if I don't want to.  She said if I don't feel comfortable it's not our only option.  She said 99.5% of her patients conceive a child.  There is hope for me yet!

Basically she broke it down like this...you have to make sure the woman has eggs, the man has sperm, and that it can meet together and make a baby.

Eggs
We did a progesterone level today.  Last time it was taken on day 21 it was 4.8.  This doctor said that was a fine level and that it shows I am ovulating.  She said we can add progesterone cream if necessary.  She said she knows I have eggs and am ovulating.  We will see what this progesterone level turns out to be.

Sperm
She gave me an order for hubby to get a semen analysis.  I hear you can do the "collection" at home since we live in town so hopefully it won't be so bad.

Meeting Them Together
If all of that checks out and we still aren't getting pregnant, she has to do a laproscope and a dye test to make sure I don't have endometriosis and that everything flows well.  I have to be put to sleep for those procedures so I'm really hoping we don't have to get to that point.  But if we do, then God will bring us through it.

I feel good because we have a plan of action.  I still have hope and am praising God that he has blessed me with a great husband and knowledgeable doctors.  I am blessed.

Two Times?

I ovulated twice this month?  I think it's a medical mystery/miracle.  I kind of think it's my body (AKA God) showing me and my doctor that yes-- I am ovulating.  Here are pictures to prove it:

Day 12

Day 15

I took an OPK the day after I ovulated on Day 12 and it was negative-- barely a line.  Therefore, I thought it was safe to say that I had ovulated.  We acted as such.  And then today I just had a feeling I was ovulating.  Sex drive up, abdominal pressure, etc.  And low and behold-- a darker line than the test line.

I read online that some women have two waves of ovulation-- it means you ovulate two eggs.  Or you have two chances of having a baby (or two).  Either way, I'm not weirded out by it too much.  I'm just hopeful that God has a plan and His plan involves a baby.