I have called three different doctors’ offices (a specialist and two OB/GYN’s) and made appointments only to cancel them. I’m so confused as to who to see. But praise the Lord for my wonderful husband who helps me make decisions. We are going to go see the new doc that replaced my old OB/GYN that moved to Alaska. I’m going on the 11th.
I’m praying for hope and faith. Two things I don’t have all the time. I’ve fallen into the pit of negativity lately and haven’t cared to get out of that pit. But over this Christmas break, I’ve forced myself out and am trying to look at the world with a positive light. One change I need to make is to believe, hope, and know that God will bless us with a child. And God is always on time. Here are some verses that have helped me lately:
As for God, His way is perfect. – Psalm 18:30
Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. – Genesis 30:22
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. – Psalm 25:21
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. – Psalm 33:20
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. - Psalm 71:14
But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. – Romans 8:24-25
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
I'm Not Good With Titles
My day 21 progesterone level was 4.5. The PA said it was supposed to be above a 6 on day 21 if you ovulated. She doesn't think I'm ovulating. I got a positive ovulation test on day 15 of my cycle and a weird semi-positive on day 17. I think I'm ovulating. She said if I'm not pregnant this cycle (which I'm not, I'm spotting today and will start tomorrow) then to start Clomid in January.
Speaking of spotting, I haven't spotted AT ALL this cycle. Crazy, huh? I usually spot at least 5-7 days before my period. I have only spotted today, the day before I'm suppoesd to start, and it's not really spotting, but more of an actual light period. Maybe the metformin is working?
Speaking of metformin, I'm really only taking one pill a day now. It seems to cut down on the nausea. And it still seems to be working.
I went and saw my regular family doctor for a follow-up last Thursday and he said I need to see a fertility specialist. I was all on-board with that, but then we decided to wait a couple of months before we had to a specialist. I just don't think we are there yet.
So I'm going to start charting BBT style tomorrow. That way I can really tell if I'm ovulating or not. After a cycle or two of that, I am going to go get a second opinion. I'm going to take my nearly $2,000 worth of bloodwork results to another doctor and get their take on it. Then- if they say Clomid, I'll start it. But I'm just not convinced it's the drug for me yet.
With my two LEEP procedures, I have an imcompetent cervix, meaning because of the LEEP procedures my cervix is now shorter than it should be. That means I have more of a chance to be a high-risk pregnancy because my cervix may thin out sooner than it should. Add the potential of twins from Clomid AND the short cervix and it makes for one nervous woman-- me! I'm just a little worried about it, so I'm going to wait it out a little.
I'm the kind of person that has to ask a million people for an opinion before I make a choice. It's like I talk something to death before I actually form my own opinion. I was talking to one of my best friends the other day and she stopped me after I asked her what she thought of all this (basically what I explained above). She said, "I'm not telling you my opinion because it doesn't matter. I'm not having a baby-- you and your husband want to. Talk to him. His opinion matters." She was SO right. I hadn't asked my hubby what opinion was because he so often doesn't give me his opinion unless probed. He has opinions, but he's more of a peacemaker and he avoids any type of confrontation, even conversation.
So when I got home, I sat down with him and just told him I was sorry for not talking to him about this and that I needed his opinion. He gave it to me, but then I started fleshing out the fact that maybe I do want to try Clomid, maybe I should make another doctor appointment, etc. Here is the convo:
Hubby: "Let's talk about this another time."
Me: "NO! We need to talk about it now. We can't avoid this."
Hubby: "Ok, but I just don't like this wishy-washyness. You need to make a decision and stick with it."
Me: "Listen, here is the deal. This is why I go to all my girlfriends to talk about it, because I can't throw around ideas with you. I can't flesh it out. You want me to come to you with a concrete decision. But I need to be able to go back and forth with you. I like the fact that you make concrete and consistent decisions. That is why you are the rock. I need to be able to go back and forth and you help me make the decision."
After saying that, it's like he got it. He understood our personality differences and what we both needed. I feel a lot better. We decided to chart for a couple of months and then if things don't happen in a couple of months, we will go get a second opinion from a regular OB/GYN and then go from there.
All this to say, things have been up and down lately. Naturally. Such is my life lately. But things are good. God will give us a baby when His timing is right. And our hearts are right. I'm so blessed to be married to a wonderful man and to have a wonderful family. My life is complete now. I am just excited to hopefully add to it-- sooner rather than later.
Speaking of spotting, I haven't spotted AT ALL this cycle. Crazy, huh? I usually spot at least 5-7 days before my period. I have only spotted today, the day before I'm suppoesd to start, and it's not really spotting, but more of an actual light period. Maybe the metformin is working?
Speaking of metformin, I'm really only taking one pill a day now. It seems to cut down on the nausea. And it still seems to be working.
I went and saw my regular family doctor for a follow-up last Thursday and he said I need to see a fertility specialist. I was all on-board with that, but then we decided to wait a couple of months before we had to a specialist. I just don't think we are there yet.
So I'm going to start charting BBT style tomorrow. That way I can really tell if I'm ovulating or not. After a cycle or two of that, I am going to go get a second opinion. I'm going to take my nearly $2,000 worth of bloodwork results to another doctor and get their take on it. Then- if they say Clomid, I'll start it. But I'm just not convinced it's the drug for me yet.
With my two LEEP procedures, I have an imcompetent cervix, meaning because of the LEEP procedures my cervix is now shorter than it should be. That means I have more of a chance to be a high-risk pregnancy because my cervix may thin out sooner than it should. Add the potential of twins from Clomid AND the short cervix and it makes for one nervous woman-- me! I'm just a little worried about it, so I'm going to wait it out a little.
I'm the kind of person that has to ask a million people for an opinion before I make a choice. It's like I talk something to death before I actually form my own opinion. I was talking to one of my best friends the other day and she stopped me after I asked her what she thought of all this (basically what I explained above). She said, "I'm not telling you my opinion because it doesn't matter. I'm not having a baby-- you and your husband want to. Talk to him. His opinion matters." She was SO right. I hadn't asked my hubby what opinion was because he so often doesn't give me his opinion unless probed. He has opinions, but he's more of a peacemaker and he avoids any type of confrontation, even conversation.
So when I got home, I sat down with him and just told him I was sorry for not talking to him about this and that I needed his opinion. He gave it to me, but then I started fleshing out the fact that maybe I do want to try Clomid, maybe I should make another doctor appointment, etc. Here is the convo:
Hubby: "Let's talk about this another time."
Me: "NO! We need to talk about it now. We can't avoid this."
Hubby: "Ok, but I just don't like this wishy-washyness. You need to make a decision and stick with it."
Me: "Listen, here is the deal. This is why I go to all my girlfriends to talk about it, because I can't throw around ideas with you. I can't flesh it out. You want me to come to you with a concrete decision. But I need to be able to go back and forth with you. I like the fact that you make concrete and consistent decisions. That is why you are the rock. I need to be able to go back and forth and you help me make the decision."
After saying that, it's like he got it. He understood our personality differences and what we both needed. I feel a lot better. We decided to chart for a couple of months and then if things don't happen in a couple of months, we will go get a second opinion from a regular OB/GYN and then go from there.
All this to say, things have been up and down lately. Naturally. Such is my life lately. But things are good. God will give us a baby when His timing is right. And our hearts are right. I'm so blessed to be married to a wonderful man and to have a wonderful family. My life is complete now. I am just excited to hopefully add to it-- sooner rather than later.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Enough is Enough
The nausea is back. I'm about tired of this Metformin. I have an appointment with the PA I saw to talk about another route. I am also getting to get my day 21 progesterone level drawn on Saturday. Hopefully (is that morbid to be hopeful about it?) it will show that I have low progesterone and it will be an easy fix. I don't think that ovulation is my issue--I think it's low progesterone. Either way, I can't live with this up and down nausea, diarrhea, and sickness. If I eat anything sugary, have more than 1 glass of wine, or eat a lot of carbs-- I am SICK! It is not fun. I guess it's a good thing because I shouldn't have those things, but still. I'm just not sure if it's worth it or working enough to be that sick. Either way....we will find out next week what is next. More to come...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
The Latest
I'm not pregnant. I spotted most of my vacation and then started the day I got back. I wasn't sad, though. I took two pregnancy tests on vacation. I thought it would be great to find out I was pregnant while on vacation. Maybe do one of those cute announcements "Vacation-$2,000, Souvenir- $15, The fact that there are three people in this picture- Priceless." But it's okay. I really am okay. I even thought for a little that maybe we shouldn't keep trying. Maybe we should just be us for a little while. Who knows.
I'm getting my day 21 progesterone level drawn this month-- on the 10th actually. It's a Saturday, but CBH has a 24 hour lab. Hopefully it will show that I do in fact have low progesterone and that will start the right treatment. The Metformin is working and it isn't making me as sick. So that's a plus. The doctor said I might start on Clomid in January if I'm not pregnant when I see her. But we will see if the progesterone level changes our plan.
Either way, I'm okay. I really am. I can wait. The days don't seem as long anymore. The weeks don't seem as hard. I'm okay to be patient. And I'm not even praying for a distraction.
I'm getting my day 21 progesterone level drawn this month-- on the 10th actually. It's a Saturday, but CBH has a 24 hour lab. Hopefully it will show that I do in fact have low progesterone and that will start the right treatment. The Metformin is working and it isn't making me as sick. So that's a plus. The doctor said I might start on Clomid in January if I'm not pregnant when I see her. But we will see if the progesterone level changes our plan.
Either way, I'm okay. I really am. I can wait. The days don't seem as long anymore. The weeks don't seem as hard. I'm okay to be patient. And I'm not even praying for a distraction.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Early Ovulation Celebration
My medicine is working!! I ovulated on day 12. I usually ovulate on day 16-18 so I'm ovulating a whole week early! Here is proof:
Saturday, November 5th (Day 12)
The Metformin was making me really nauseous, so while we didn't "try" on that day, we did the very next morning. I think it's okay since I took the test at around 9:00 p.m. and we woke up the next day around 8:00 a.m. I finally broke down and called the doctor about my medicine. I was just miserable with nausea. The nurse suggested I take 1 750 mg pill in the morning and one in the evening. Since I've been doing this (2 days) things are much better!
Today I noticed some very slight pink CM when I went to the bathroom (possible implantation bleeding?) and my breasts are really sore. They are usually sore the week before my period, so maybe I'm going to have a shorter cycle and thus-- they're sore. Who knows! Either way, I'd rather document it then forget it.
We go on a vacation next week, and then a couple of days after I get back I'll know whether we successfully made a baby! Can't wait-- for both vacation AND a potential baby!!
Saturday, November 5th (Day 12)
The Metformin was making me really nauseous, so while we didn't "try" on that day, we did the very next morning. I think it's okay since I took the test at around 9:00 p.m. and we woke up the next day around 8:00 a.m. I finally broke down and called the doctor about my medicine. I was just miserable with nausea. The nurse suggested I take 1 750 mg pill in the morning and one in the evening. Since I've been doing this (2 days) things are much better!
Today I noticed some very slight pink CM when I went to the bathroom (possible implantation bleeding?) and my breasts are really sore. They are usually sore the week before my period, so maybe I'm going to have a shorter cycle and thus-- they're sore. Who knows! Either way, I'd rather document it then forget it.
We go on a vacation next week, and then a couple of days after I get back I'll know whether we successfully made a baby! Can't wait-- for both vacation AND a potential baby!!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Unworried and Waiting
I'm not worrying much lately about whether to have a baby or not lately. I just feel peaceful, like it will happen when it happens. My bloodwork came back and it's only borderline for PCOS. So maybe I don't have it really, or maybe I just have it a little. I'm still on Metformin. It really sucked at first. I was sick to my stomach at first, then I was just not hungry at all and I lost my appetite. It's kind of back to normal now. I need to start eating better. I was at first, now I'm just eating healthier. I'm going back in January and if I'm not pregnant by then I might start on Clomid. I'm just supposed to track my cycles and use ovulation kits.
So far I've had two negative ovulation tests. I'm only on day 10 though, and I usually ovulate late. I'm confident that things will work out perfectly-- just as God has planned.
So far I've had two negative ovulation tests. I'm only on day 10 though, and I usually ovulate late. I'm confident that things will work out perfectly-- just as God has planned.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I Have PCOS
So I went to the doctor. I called my new doctor and couldn't get an appointment for a whole month! So I did the next thing I knew to do-- called my old doctor's office and asked to see a PA or Nurse Practioner. I told them that I thought I had a short luteal phase and/or low progesterone and am trying to conceive. I got in the next day with the PA who specializes in infertility. Infertility. What a scary word.
I printed off a list of my cycles (yes, it was color-coded) and was on my way. She was SO nice and as I was telling her my symptoms and she looked at my sheet I printed off, she mentioned PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Some of the biggest symptoms that I had were abnormal cycles, acne, weird hair growth, cysts on ovaries, weight gain. They did an ultrasound which confirmed that I had cysts all around the edge of my ovaries. Mine kind of looked like this:
I printed off a list of my cycles (yes, it was color-coded) and was on my way. She was SO nice and as I was telling her my symptoms and she looked at my sheet I printed off, she mentioned PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Some of the biggest symptoms that I had were abnormal cycles, acne, weird hair growth, cysts on ovaries, weight gain. They did an ultrasound which confirmed that I had cysts all around the edge of my ovaries. Mine kind of looked like this:
Basically it looks like a normal ovary, but all of those black spots are cysts. I visualized at least 4-5 on each ovary. And I didn't throw up at this trans-vaginal ultrasound. SCORE!
She ordered a whole panel of lab work (testosterone, insulin, FSH, etc.) that I have to be fasting for and plan on getting at the 24 hour lab this weekend. I also have to get my progesterone level drawn at day 21 of my cycle. In November, I'll be on vacation on day 21, so I'll have to wait until December for this lab. This will show if I have low progesterone or not. She discussed my options-- she could put me on metformin, a drug used in diabetics to treat insulin resistance. PCOS gives people a resistance to insulin, thus the weight gain and inability to conceive. She could also give me Clomid which forces you to ovulate, but runs the risk (10%) for multiples. Meaning twins...even triplets! Yikes! We decided that I just needed to do the metformin for now, and if it's not working in a couple of months, we can discuss the Clomid.
She also said I needed to start a low-carb diet. This will help with the insulin resistance. I LOVE CARBS! But I'll do anything to have a healthy baby, so I started on a low-carb diet today. I've done pretty good so far. I've looked into the Atkins Diet, the South Beach Diet, and the Sonoma Diet. They are all similar-- no carbs, lots of proteins, some veggies. I don't want to stress myself out (even more) so I'm just going to cut out carbs as much as I can. I'm going to make a healthier choice each meal to eat more of the right things and less of the wrong things.
So, I have PCOS. I think. I'm being treated for it. I started metformin last night and the only bad side effect per the doctor was diarrhea. I thought I was in the clear....until I ate lunch. I hope my body adjusts soon.
I feel okay about it. God is in control. God is with me in this "wilderness" time. I read a bunch of success stories online today about people on metformin and conceiving. I'm so glad that the doctor gave me a game plan and is helping me. It's an answered prayer. God is good.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Irregularities
I'm beginning to think that something is wrong. The last three months, my cycle has been pretty messed up. Here is a breakdown:
August
Began spotting 6 days before period started
Period lasted 4 days
Cycle was 33 days (month before it was 30 days)
September
Began spotting 8 days before period started
Period lasted 5 days
Cycle was 36 days
October
I began spotting 5 days ago
Not sure when my period will start
If I have a 35 day cycle, I will have begun spotting almost 2 weeks before my period
I've read that the spotting can be from low progesterone levels. I'm trying to decide whether to call my doctor and go in for some blood work. I'm always worried about it at night, as I'm laying down to go to bed. It's when I really think about it. I'm just tired of having an almost 2 week period! Today at church, I was reminded of one of my favorite verses-
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." - Exodus 14:14
I'm rest in that verse tonight.
August
Began spotting 6 days before period started
Period lasted 4 days
Cycle was 33 days (month before it was 30 days)
September
Began spotting 8 days before period started
Period lasted 5 days
Cycle was 36 days
October
I began spotting 5 days ago
Not sure when my period will start
If I have a 35 day cycle, I will have begun spotting almost 2 weeks before my period
I've read that the spotting can be from low progesterone levels. I'm trying to decide whether to call my doctor and go in for some blood work. I'm always worried about it at night, as I'm laying down to go to bed. It's when I really think about it. I'm just tired of having an almost 2 week period! Today at church, I was reminded of one of my favorite verses-
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." - Exodus 14:14
I'm rest in that verse tonight.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Cute Announcement Ideas
I've gathered some cute pregnancy announcement ideas and wanted to share. Not because I'm pregnant, but because I will forget what I want to do by the time I am! How can you pick just one?
Sunday, October 9, 2011
No Try October
We aren't trying this month. With our big vacation coming up in the middle of November, we figured it would be best if I wasn't 8 weeks pregnant on that vacation. We aren't preventing, but not actively trying. God may just have a sense of humor and give us a baby when we say we aren't trying this month. We'll see! I wouldn't be opposed!!
It's been nice not thinking about baby making or having a baby constantly. I've been consumed with my capstone class in grad school. Some people have had babies lately, which makes me think a little about it. I'm still a little freaked out sometimes about the whole giving birth thing.
Sorry this is super random; I was just thinking about not trying, but wanting a baby. :)
It's been nice not thinking about baby making or having a baby constantly. I've been consumed with my capstone class in grad school. Some people have had babies lately, which makes me think a little about it. I'm still a little freaked out sometimes about the whole giving birth thing.
Sorry this is super random; I was just thinking about not trying, but wanting a baby. :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
On Waiting
I've been reading some really timely stuff on waiting. The bold emphasis is mine. Here you go:
They who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength.” Isaiah 40:31 ESV
We’ve all heard the prayer: “Lord, make me more patient—and do it now!” Of all the spiritual virtues, patience is one that tends to be troublingly elusive. Let’s face it; if patience is a virtue, most of us are not very virtuous. It’s flat out hard to wait.
Think of how you feel when you’re late for a critical engagement and caught in a traffic jam. I find it tough when I’m in a hurry and rush to the “10 items or less” line at the grocery store, and then have to wait while the guy in front of me pulls 16 items out of the basket and casually chats with the clerk. How did I know it was 16 items? I counted them, piece by piece!
When life or people don’t measure up to our expectations, being patient can be quite a challenge. But it’s clear that God wants us to develop this character trait. After all, patience is more than a virtue—it’s a fruit of the Spirit. It reflects His very presence in our lives, for He is a patient God. If He weren’t, we all would have been annihilated long ago.
So what’s our problem?
There’s a good probability that our struggle with patience has been unsuccessful because we’ve been trying to focus on our own agendas and timelines and not trusting that, for reasons best known to Him, God may have a whole different schedule for us. Our propensity to live with a short fuse is all about forgetting that God puts us in His waiting room on purpose, because He is often doing something behind the scenes while we wait.
It might be as simple as teaching us to be more concerned with the struggles and feelings of others rather than being totally taken with our own interest and plans. There is plenty of evidence as well that God interrupts the normal flow of our lives to open unusual opportunities to be used of Him in unexpected ways. Or, it just may be that God wants to give us the opportunity to show what His patience is like by demonstrating it to others.
One thing we can be sure of—God’s time is always the right time. His management of our situations—whether in traffic or in the “ten items or less” line—is always the best management. Patience is not learning to wait for others; it’s learning to wait on God and to cooperate with His work in our lives. Next time impatience begins to stress you out, stop and ask God what He is saying to you; ask Him to show you why your expectations and schedule have been hijacked. Then take a deep breath and trust. Trust that He is at work in you and in the situation.
So, the next time you have to wait, “wait for the Lord”!
Source: http://getmorestrength.org/daily/life-in-the-waiting-room/
-------------------------------------------------
"What's taking so long, God? I want it, and I want it now!" Maybe there's something you've been asking God for, trusting God for. And it's been a while, and it still hasn't come. You want it now, but there's a reason God isn't giving it to you now. It's not ready yet. And it would disappoint you if He gave it to you now.
There's a word that's one of the major keys to God's best, it's a word that is spelled out in our word for today from the Word of God. Psalm 37 , beginning with verse 5, tells us to: "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this...Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him...Wait for the Lord and keep His way." There's the word that often stands between you and God's best - wait. Part of committing your way to the Lord, of trusting in Him, is to wait until God says it's ready; until God says you're ready. So many people are living today in the heartache of their own impatience. They couldn't wait, so they grabbed what they could have now. And it's been much less than what God was getting ready for them.
Look, you've been waiting for God to come through. You want to be married. You're waiting for Him to answer your prayer about having a child, raising a child. You're waiting for that job, that heart change, that breakthrough, that answer, and it hasn't come yet. Don't panic. Don't let impatience cost you the perfect will of God. Premature babies aren't as healthy as ones that are full-term. Premature solutions aren't healthy either. Wait until it's full-term. Remember the principle of Galatians 4:4 , "In the fullness of time, God will," bring you your answer when it's ready. So stop whimpering, stop whining, stop trying to grab it before it's ready. If you insist on having it now, you're not going to like it!
Source: http://www.hutchcraft.com/a-word-with-you/your-hard-times/the-reason-for-the-wait-6236
-------------------------------------------------
Also, I've been following this blog for a little while, and she is doing "31 Days of Waiting." How appropriate!
Check it out: http://puttinggodfirstplace.com/
God is really speaking to me right now, and I am so thankful to hear His voice and know that He is speaking right to me!
They who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength.” Isaiah 40:31 ESV
We’ve all heard the prayer: “Lord, make me more patient—and do it now!” Of all the spiritual virtues, patience is one that tends to be troublingly elusive. Let’s face it; if patience is a virtue, most of us are not very virtuous. It’s flat out hard to wait.
Think of how you feel when you’re late for a critical engagement and caught in a traffic jam. I find it tough when I’m in a hurry and rush to the “10 items or less” line at the grocery store, and then have to wait while the guy in front of me pulls 16 items out of the basket and casually chats with the clerk. How did I know it was 16 items? I counted them, piece by piece!
When life or people don’t measure up to our expectations, being patient can be quite a challenge. But it’s clear that God wants us to develop this character trait. After all, patience is more than a virtue—it’s a fruit of the Spirit. It reflects His very presence in our lives, for He is a patient God. If He weren’t, we all would have been annihilated long ago.
So what’s our problem?
There’s a good probability that our struggle with patience has been unsuccessful because we’ve been trying to focus on our own agendas and timelines and not trusting that, for reasons best known to Him, God may have a whole different schedule for us. Our propensity to live with a short fuse is all about forgetting that God puts us in His waiting room on purpose, because He is often doing something behind the scenes while we wait.
It might be as simple as teaching us to be more concerned with the struggles and feelings of others rather than being totally taken with our own interest and plans. There is plenty of evidence as well that God interrupts the normal flow of our lives to open unusual opportunities to be used of Him in unexpected ways. Or, it just may be that God wants to give us the opportunity to show what His patience is like by demonstrating it to others.
One thing we can be sure of—God’s time is always the right time. His management of our situations—whether in traffic or in the “ten items or less” line—is always the best management. Patience is not learning to wait for others; it’s learning to wait on God and to cooperate with His work in our lives. Next time impatience begins to stress you out, stop and ask God what He is saying to you; ask Him to show you why your expectations and schedule have been hijacked. Then take a deep breath and trust. Trust that He is at work in you and in the situation.
So, the next time you have to wait, “wait for the Lord”!
Source: http://getmorestrength.org/daily/life-in-the-waiting-room/
-------------------------------------------------
"What's taking so long, God? I want it, and I want it now!" Maybe there's something you've been asking God for, trusting God for. And it's been a while, and it still hasn't come. You want it now, but there's a reason God isn't giving it to you now. It's not ready yet. And it would disappoint you if He gave it to you now.
There's a word that's one of the major keys to God's best, it's a word that is spelled out in our word for today from the Word of God. Psalm 37 , beginning with verse 5, tells us to: "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this...Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him...Wait for the Lord and keep His way." There's the word that often stands between you and God's best - wait. Part of committing your way to the Lord, of trusting in Him, is to wait until God says it's ready; until God says you're ready. So many people are living today in the heartache of their own impatience. They couldn't wait, so they grabbed what they could have now. And it's been much less than what God was getting ready for them.
Look, you've been waiting for God to come through. You want to be married. You're waiting for Him to answer your prayer about having a child, raising a child. You're waiting for that job, that heart change, that breakthrough, that answer, and it hasn't come yet. Don't panic. Don't let impatience cost you the perfect will of God. Premature babies aren't as healthy as ones that are full-term. Premature solutions aren't healthy either. Wait until it's full-term. Remember the principle of Galatians 4:4 , "In the fullness of time, God will," bring you your answer when it's ready. So stop whimpering, stop whining, stop trying to grab it before it's ready. If you insist on having it now, you're not going to like it!
Source: http://www.hutchcraft.com/a-word-with-you/your-hard-times/the-reason-for-the-wait-6236
-------------------------------------------------
Also, I've been following this blog for a little while, and she is doing "31 Days of Waiting." How appropriate!
Check it out: http://puttinggodfirstplace.com/
God is really speaking to me right now, and I am so thankful to hear His voice and know that He is speaking right to me!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
My Vitamin Ritual
I've begun a new vitamin ritual:
In the morning:
1 400 mg Vitex
At night:
1 81 mg baby aspirin
1 prenatal vitamin
1 400 mg Vitex
I've read online that this is a baby cocktail. The baby aspirin prepares your uterine lining for a baby and the Vitex regulates your hormones. My cycles keep getting longer and longer, so I'm attempting to regulate them in some way. Maybe this will help?
I'm also beginning to take my basal body temperature (BBT) every morning and am charting through some free iPhone apps.
Hopefully this combination will equal a baby sometime soon! Oh-- and I got a pack of 50 ovulation test strips from Amazon for $9! Baby cocktail + charting + ovulation = Baby?
In the morning:
1 400 mg Vitex
At night:
1 81 mg baby aspirin
1 prenatal vitamin
1 400 mg Vitex
I've read online that this is a baby cocktail. The baby aspirin prepares your uterine lining for a baby and the Vitex regulates your hormones. My cycles keep getting longer and longer, so I'm attempting to regulate them in some way. Maybe this will help?
I'm also beginning to take my basal body temperature (BBT) every morning and am charting through some free iPhone apps.
Hopefully this combination will equal a baby sometime soon! Oh-- and I got a pack of 50 ovulation test strips from Amazon for $9! Baby cocktail + charting + ovulation = Baby?
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Expectations
Do you remember when you were single and people used to say, "It will happen when you least expect it," talking about finding love? So you'd try and try to stop expecting to meet Mr. Right every time you turned around, all the while actually still having that expectation by trying NOT to expect it.
I'm feeling kind of that way right now. I think that I expect God to give me a baby as soon as I completely turn over this season of my life to Him. That as soon as I fully trust and believe, that POOF-- I'll have a baby in my belly. And while it may happen, I have to realize that is just may not. That I may get to that point of trust and faith and belief and still not be blessed with a child just yet.
I have to get to the point where I am okay with whatever God wants, not just when it's what I want. I need to keep going towards the believing and trusting, but stop expecting things to work out exactly how I want them to as soon as I get to a "better place" of acceptance and peace. I am not guaranteed to have things easily. I'm just guaranteed that God will be with me the whole way.
Lord, help me not to expect You to grant my every wish. Teach me how to pray during this time so that I can honor You. My desire is to have a child, but Lord, I want what is best for me, and only You know that. Allow me to submit to Your plans.
I'm feeling kind of that way right now. I think that I expect God to give me a baby as soon as I completely turn over this season of my life to Him. That as soon as I fully trust and believe, that POOF-- I'll have a baby in my belly. And while it may happen, I have to realize that is just may not. That I may get to that point of trust and faith and belief and still not be blessed with a child just yet.
I have to get to the point where I am okay with whatever God wants, not just when it's what I want. I need to keep going towards the believing and trusting, but stop expecting things to work out exactly how I want them to as soon as I get to a "better place" of acceptance and peace. I am not guaranteed to have things easily. I'm just guaranteed that God will be with me the whole way.
Lord, help me not to expect You to grant my every wish. Teach me how to pray during this time so that I can honor You. My desire is to have a child, but Lord, I want what is best for me, and only You know that. Allow me to submit to Your plans.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A Lesson From Hannah
I’ve come to a realization. I’m not sure if I truly believe that God is going to bless me with a baby. It’s a faith issue. I know He COULD, but I don’t fully believe He WILL.
Let me back up…
Last night I noticed a little light pink spotting. Now I know this could be implantation bleeding, but I hate to get my hopes up. I am supposed to start on Thursday. I just have this feeling that I am not going to be pregnant this month. I got home and prayed “God, please give me a baby this month.” I prayed this all the while knowing I didn’t think I was actually pregnant. I know God could make me pregnant if it is His will, but I believe down in my heart that I’m pregnant.
So I started thinking, do I still pray to be pregnant even if I believe I’m not? This scripture came to my mind, so I prayed it—
“I do believe; help my unbelief.”
-Mark 9:24b-
Let me back up a little more…
About 3 1/2 years ago I had an abnormal pap. I kept getting abnormal paps for about 1 year. Eventually I was referred to a gynecological oncologist who started following me. I read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel during this time. Hannah prayed for a baby, believed God was going to give her one, and so she lived as if God had already blessed her. God did bless her with a child. So I applied that story to my situation; I prayed for God to heal me, I believed wholeheartedly that he would, and I lived as if he already had. To no surprise, when I went back for my repeat pap it came back NORMAL!
““What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.”
-Mark 10:50-52-
So now I am trying to apply this same principle to getting pregnant. Now, I don’t think that just because I pray and believe what I pray is going to mean God is going to automatically bless me with a child. Rather I’m trying to pray that His thoughts become my thoughts, His desires become mine.
“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
-Psalm 37:4-
Delighting myself in God means submitting myself to His will, not mine.
Because of all this, I’ve looking into the following verses again:
“10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the LORD remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[b] saying, “Because I asked the LORD for him.” “
-1 Samuel 1:10-20-
Here is what I have found through biblegateway.com commentaries and through my own thoughts. The commentary is in red and my thoughts are in black.
Hannah was desperate when she prayed. But she did not pray in a selfish way. She wanted a son so that she could give him to God.
I feel like maybe I’m being selfish when I pray for a baby. Desperation and selfishness are two different things. I need to examine “Why do I want a baby?” Is it for me, or is it to honor and bless God?
Hannah prayed in a humble way as a servant to God. She felt that God had forgotten her. But she knew that God was all-powerful. God was the only person who could help her. And she knew that. Hannah did not pray aloud. But God heard her as she prayed in her spirit.
I don’t feel as if God has forgotten me, but sometimes during this time I see God as this big man looking down on me saying, “I’m not going to give you a child! Are you crazy? I know you want it, but you just can’t have it.” Now, I know that is not really how God is, but I’m just being totally honest here. Sometimes I get a little ticked that God isn’t making this easy. I need to stop thinking that way, and realize God is the one person who can give me life, and that includes life inside of me. God is the only one who can help me, He is my only hope. He’s on my side. I refuse to be afraid.
She trusted God to answer her prayer.
This goes back to that trust issue I’m having. And a faith issue, really. Do I trust or believe that God is really going to give me a baby? I have to trust/believe/have hope that God is going to give me this. And if He doesn’t? Then that will be His will.
Sometimes we have troubles for a long time. We think that God has forgotten us. But, in Isaiah 49:15, God says, ‘I will not forget you’. In the *Hebrew language the name Samuel sounds like the words ‘God has heard’. God heard and answered Hannah’s prayer. That is why she chose this name.
God does hear me. He will not forget me.
It is difficult, even impossible to understand all the reasons and dynamics behind the plan of God; but certainly, if God wanted this little boy to be dedicated to Him in this special way, He had to allow Hannah to come to this place of desperation.
Certainly, this was not the first time Hannah had prayed for a child. But perhaps this was the first time she prayed, truly giving the child to the Lord - not just in her heart, but in this vow as well.
Wow. Allowed Hannah to come to this place of desperation. That is pretty big. God may not giving me a child yet because He wants me to turn to Him, hide myself in Him, and lose myself in Him.
Instead of keeping the bitterness of soul and the anguish in her heart, she poured it out of her soul before the Lord.
Right now I am feeling bitterness. I need to pour it out to the Lord. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Her face was no longer sad: The change in Hannah’s countenance shows that she received the promise with faith, something necessary if we will inherit the promises of God (Hebrews 6:12).
Hebrews 6:12 says, “Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.”
Hannah shows how we can regain the joy of fellowship in the house of the Lord again: by pouring out our heart before the Lord and by, receiving His word with faith.
Faith.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
-Hebrews 11:11-
Faith is not hope. Faith is the means by which we receive those things we hope for. Neither is faith sight. Faith is the evidence of things not seen. Faith can only operate in the realm of the invisible concerning those things we hope for and do not yet see. Faith cannot exist in the visible realm. When the things we hope for are manifested to our sight, then faith, the invisible "substance," having done its work, is supplanted by the visible substance, that is, the things we hope for. When the actuality comes into view, then the image (faith) vanishes. (Hobart E. Freeman, Faith, p. 4).
Biblical faith is an absolute requirement for answered prayer. The writer of Hebrews states, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." -Hebrews 11:6-
http://thegloryland.com/index.php?p=1_11_The-biblical-definition-of-faith
So what does this all mean? What am I to do? What am I to pray?
Lord, help me in my unbelief. Allow me to believe Your promises. You have promised to never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). You have promised that all things are possible with You (Matthew 19:26). You have promised blessing (John 10:10). You have promised to make the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children (Psalm 113:9). Create in me a new heart, Lord. Renew a faithful spirit within me. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Give me a sound mind. Show me Your love, and reveal to me Your power. Lord, I ask You for a child. Please bless me with a child. One that we can love, nurture, and raise to love You. I give You this time and this season. I love you.
Let me back up…
Last night I noticed a little light pink spotting. Now I know this could be implantation bleeding, but I hate to get my hopes up. I am supposed to start on Thursday. I just have this feeling that I am not going to be pregnant this month. I got home and prayed “God, please give me a baby this month.” I prayed this all the while knowing I didn’t think I was actually pregnant. I know God could make me pregnant if it is His will, but I believe down in my heart that I’m pregnant.
So I started thinking, do I still pray to be pregnant even if I believe I’m not? This scripture came to my mind, so I prayed it—
“I do believe; help my unbelief.”
-Mark 9:24b-
Let me back up a little more…
About 3 1/2 years ago I had an abnormal pap. I kept getting abnormal paps for about 1 year. Eventually I was referred to a gynecological oncologist who started following me. I read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel during this time. Hannah prayed for a baby, believed God was going to give her one, and so she lived as if God had already blessed her. God did bless her with a child. So I applied that story to my situation; I prayed for God to heal me, I believed wholeheartedly that he would, and I lived as if he already had. To no surprise, when I went back for my repeat pap it came back NORMAL!
““What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.”
-Mark 10:50-52-
So now I am trying to apply this same principle to getting pregnant. Now, I don’t think that just because I pray and believe what I pray is going to mean God is going to automatically bless me with a child. Rather I’m trying to pray that His thoughts become my thoughts, His desires become mine.
“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
-Psalm 37:4-
Delighting myself in God means submitting myself to His will, not mine.
Because of all this, I’ve looking into the following verses again:
“10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the LORD remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[b] saying, “Because I asked the LORD for him.” “
-1 Samuel 1:10-20-
Here is what I have found through biblegateway.com commentaries and through my own thoughts. The commentary is in red and my thoughts are in black.
Hannah was desperate when she prayed. But she did not pray in a selfish way. She wanted a son so that she could give him to God.
I feel like maybe I’m being selfish when I pray for a baby. Desperation and selfishness are two different things. I need to examine “Why do I want a baby?” Is it for me, or is it to honor and bless God?
Hannah prayed in a humble way as a servant to God. She felt that God had forgotten her. But she knew that God was all-powerful. God was the only person who could help her. And she knew that. Hannah did not pray aloud. But God heard her as she prayed in her spirit.
I don’t feel as if God has forgotten me, but sometimes during this time I see God as this big man looking down on me saying, “I’m not going to give you a child! Are you crazy? I know you want it, but you just can’t have it.” Now, I know that is not really how God is, but I’m just being totally honest here. Sometimes I get a little ticked that God isn’t making this easy. I need to stop thinking that way, and realize God is the one person who can give me life, and that includes life inside of me. God is the only one who can help me, He is my only hope. He’s on my side. I refuse to be afraid.
She trusted God to answer her prayer.
This goes back to that trust issue I’m having. And a faith issue, really. Do I trust or believe that God is really going to give me a baby? I have to trust/believe/have hope that God is going to give me this. And if He doesn’t? Then that will be His will.
Sometimes we have troubles for a long time. We think that God has forgotten us. But, in Isaiah 49:15, God says, ‘I will not forget you’. In the *Hebrew language the name Samuel sounds like the words ‘God has heard’. God heard and answered Hannah’s prayer. That is why she chose this name.
God does hear me. He will not forget me.
It is difficult, even impossible to understand all the reasons and dynamics behind the plan of God; but certainly, if God wanted this little boy to be dedicated to Him in this special way, He had to allow Hannah to come to this place of desperation.
Certainly, this was not the first time Hannah had prayed for a child. But perhaps this was the first time she prayed, truly giving the child to the Lord - not just in her heart, but in this vow as well.
Wow. Allowed Hannah to come to this place of desperation. That is pretty big. God may not giving me a child yet because He wants me to turn to Him, hide myself in Him, and lose myself in Him.
Instead of keeping the bitterness of soul and the anguish in her heart, she poured it out of her soul before the Lord.
Right now I am feeling bitterness. I need to pour it out to the Lord. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Her face was no longer sad: The change in Hannah’s countenance shows that she received the promise with faith, something necessary if we will inherit the promises of God (Hebrews 6:12).
Hebrews 6:12 says, “Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.”
Hannah shows how we can regain the joy of fellowship in the house of the Lord again: by pouring out our heart before the Lord and by, receiving His word with faith.
Faith.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
-Hebrews 11:11-
Faith is not hope. Faith is the means by which we receive those things we hope for. Neither is faith sight. Faith is the evidence of things not seen. Faith can only operate in the realm of the invisible concerning those things we hope for and do not yet see. Faith cannot exist in the visible realm. When the things we hope for are manifested to our sight, then faith, the invisible "substance," having done its work, is supplanted by the visible substance, that is, the things we hope for. When the actuality comes into view, then the image (faith) vanishes. (Hobart E. Freeman, Faith, p. 4).
Biblical faith is an absolute requirement for answered prayer. The writer of Hebrews states, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." -Hebrews 11:6-
http://thegloryland.com/index.php?p=1_11_The-biblical-definition-of-faith
So what does this all mean? What am I to do? What am I to pray?
Lord, help me in my unbelief. Allow me to believe Your promises. You have promised to never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). You have promised that all things are possible with You (Matthew 19:26). You have promised blessing (John 10:10). You have promised to make the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children (Psalm 113:9). Create in me a new heart, Lord. Renew a faithful spirit within me. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Give me a sound mind. Show me Your love, and reveal to me Your power. Lord, I ask You for a child. Please bless me with a child. One that we can love, nurture, and raise to love You. I give You this time and this season. I love you.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
A Much Calmer Month
I feel good about this month. I'm not sure why, but I do. That doesn't mean we are going to be pregnant, it could just mean that I'm dealing with this stress a lot better. And I'm okay with either scenario. It's been really fun and relaxed, which I think makes all the difference. Instead of trying every other day, I just took ovulation tests until I ran out. I was going to go buy more and they were too expensive at Kroger, so I just said "Let's just do this the old fashioned way." I feel ovary pain when I ovulate and I have been feeling some pain for the past 2 days. We have just tried 4 days consecutively. I know doctors say to try every other day, but I'm not taking my chances. :)
This is such a fun time in our lives. I'm enjoying the time with my hubby dreaming of children, hoping for children, praying for children. God will bless us when the time is right. I just know it.
This is such a fun time in our lives. I'm enjoying the time with my hubby dreaming of children, hoping for children, praying for children. God will bless us when the time is right. I just know it.
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Truth About Ovulation Tests
I've been taking ovulations tests for 2 days now (or is it 3?), but either way I got a faint line today and I was all excited that I was ovulating. Little did I know that just because you get two lines on an ovulation test does not mean you are ovulating. The line has to be as dark or darker than the control line to be a true positive. Check out this link to learn more:
http://www.peeonastick.com/opkfaq.html
So tonights "trying" was a freebie. :) I know now to wait until the line is super dark to know that I'm truly ovulating. However, it said for my cycle length to start testing on day 11, and today is day 11. I'm right on track for testing.
I told myself I would stop looking at websites and being obsessed with baby making. However, I'm glad I looked at this website, but it is going to save me a lot of aimless "trying".
http://www.peeonastick.com/opkfaq.html
So tonights "trying" was a freebie. :) I know now to wait until the line is super dark to know that I'm truly ovulating. However, it said for my cycle length to start testing on day 11, and today is day 11. I'm right on track for testing.
I told myself I would stop looking at websites and being obsessed with baby making. However, I'm glad I looked at this website, but it is going to save me a lot of aimless "trying".
Thursday, September 1, 2011
A Much Needed Break
I've taken a much needed break from blogging about wanting a baby. I started with ovulation tests today, the first was negative. I figured it would be. I probably won't ovulate for another few days. I am really trying to just chill it out and not worry about the semantics of this trying. We will see how it works out. I have a peace about it, a peace that could only come from God.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
It's a No Go
I'm not pregnant. I'm a lot less upset than I thought I would be. I think it's because I already got upset way back in the process when I didn't feel pregnant. I did have symptoms in the past 2 weeks-- nausea, cramping, headaches, fatigue. But it may have just been my hypersensitivity to my body because of TTC. AF hasn't come yet (today is the day I'm supposed to start), but I just took another pregnancy test and it was negative. I am spotting off and on and have been for the last 5 days.
Our original goal was to stop trying if it didn't work this month until November/December. I was talking to my hubby about when we would be due if we did get pregnant towards the end of the year, and he said "Why don't we just try again next month?" I thought he didn't want me to be newly pregnant on our vacation in November! But he says he is up to trying again next month.
It has been SO up and down these past 2 weeks. I'm not sure I am up for the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive....again. I'll be praying and thinking about it the next week or so and will make a decision. I think I will try to use the ovulation tests so it's not as much trying aimlessly, but more focused trying.
I'll keep my zero followers updated as to what we decide!
Our original goal was to stop trying if it didn't work this month until November/December. I was talking to my hubby about when we would be due if we did get pregnant towards the end of the year, and he said "Why don't we just try again next month?" I thought he didn't want me to be newly pregnant on our vacation in November! But he says he is up to trying again next month.
It has been SO up and down these past 2 weeks. I'm not sure I am up for the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive....again. I'll be praying and thinking about it the next week or so and will make a decision. I think I will try to use the ovulation tests so it's not as much trying aimlessly, but more focused trying.
I'll keep my zero followers updated as to what we decide!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Obsessive Tester?
As of today, I'm 9 DPO (days past ovulation) and I have had two negative tests since the last test I took. I realized today that the dollar store tests I bought were not early detection tests. So I took the plunge and went and bought some First Response Tests from Wal-Mart. I'm going to take one tomorrow and then on Friday if that one is negative. The tests say you can get a positive result with these tests 6 days before your period is due! Tomorrow will be 4-5 days before, so if I am pregnant I might know sooner rather than later.
Today I had some spotting/bleeding. Sometimes I spot before AF so it very well could be that. OR it could be implantation bleeding. Today I feel really bloated. All of these symptoms could be AF symptoms OR they could be pregnancy symptoms. We will just have to wait and see. I was tempted to buy a digital test tonight, but I told myself that I would wait until I get an actual positive and then splurge for the digital one that says "pregnant". If I am not pregnant (which is okay with me right now-- I'm happy either way) I don't want ot spend the $10 on it.
It helps so much to be able to blog my feelings/thoughts this week as I'm leading up to the big testing days. Be on the look out for some updates!
Today I had some spotting/bleeding. Sometimes I spot before AF so it very well could be that. OR it could be implantation bleeding. Today I feel really bloated. All of these symptoms could be AF symptoms OR they could be pregnancy symptoms. We will just have to wait and see. I was tempted to buy a digital test tonight, but I told myself that I would wait until I get an actual positive and then splurge for the digital one that says "pregnant". If I am not pregnant (which is okay with me right now-- I'm happy either way) I don't want ot spend the $10 on it.
It helps so much to be able to blog my feelings/thoughts this week as I'm leading up to the big testing days. Be on the look out for some updates!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Two Week Wait
The dreaded "two week wait" has begun. I've been analyzing every single twinge and feeling. I know I'm not supposed to do that, but how can I not? I have been really tired lately, but it comes in spurts. All of a sudden I'll just be exhausted and I sleep very soundly. And I feel better after taking a nap. Maybe that's just normal for me, but who knows? I have also felt a little pressure in my lower abdomen--in particular 2-3 days ago.
I had a wild hair and took a pregnancy test yesterday. Not really sure why I did because it's way way way too early to tell. It was negative of course. If my ovulation prediction is correct, I can begin testing next Wednesday or Thursday. AF (Aunt Flo) is supposed to come on Saturday or Sunday. I'll begin taking tests each morning just to see if one shows up with a BFP (big fat positive)!
I've told myself that if I'm not pregnant it's okay. I'll just busy myself with preparing for our vacation in November. Then we can try again for a baby. I'm trying to be excited about both options-- being pregnant and not being pregnant to have fun on vacation. I'd really rather be pregnant, but I have to have a backup plan so I don't get disappointed.
God is in control, so I know whatever happens is for the best. It might take me a day or two to really accept that if I'm not pregnant, but it will be okay. I'll be okay. I'm just trying to enjoy the experience.
Next Wednesday (when I will begin testing) isn't that far away. And knowing me, I'll begin testing on Tuesday-- just in case. I swear I'm neurotic sometimes. I'm sure other women are the same way, though. I don't feel too crazy. It's somewhat normal I think.
So at the end of next week I will know for sure (maybe at the end of next week or the beginning of the next) whether I'm pregnant or not. Here is to the next week!
I had a wild hair and took a pregnancy test yesterday. Not really sure why I did because it's way way way too early to tell. It was negative of course. If my ovulation prediction is correct, I can begin testing next Wednesday or Thursday. AF (Aunt Flo) is supposed to come on Saturday or Sunday. I'll begin taking tests each morning just to see if one shows up with a BFP (big fat positive)!
I've told myself that if I'm not pregnant it's okay. I'll just busy myself with preparing for our vacation in November. Then we can try again for a baby. I'm trying to be excited about both options-- being pregnant and not being pregnant to have fun on vacation. I'd really rather be pregnant, but I have to have a backup plan so I don't get disappointed.
God is in control, so I know whatever happens is for the best. It might take me a day or two to really accept that if I'm not pregnant, but it will be okay. I'll be okay. I'm just trying to enjoy the experience.
Next Wednesday (when I will begin testing) isn't that far away. And knowing me, I'll begin testing on Tuesday-- just in case. I swear I'm neurotic sometimes. I'm sure other women are the same way, though. I don't feel too crazy. It's somewhat normal I think.
So at the end of next week I will know for sure (maybe at the end of next week or the beginning of the next) whether I'm pregnant or not. Here is to the next week!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
A Change of Heart
My attitude has improved completely. Here is why—because God has it under control.
I ordered those ovulation tests 2 weeks ago, and they still hadn’t come in. So I was thinking-I'm not going to get pregnant because I have no idea when I’m ovulating! In school last night the devotional was on using God’s name in vain and on God’s timing. The instructor said:
“God is never late. He is always on time. We may have wanted to him to be on our schedule 2 weeks ago, but he is always right on time.”
When I got home, my ovulation tests had come in and so I took one and guess what??
I was ovulating! We “tried” for our last time of this cycle. This morning I was thinking about the devo last night. Isn’t it cool how God was right on time? I wanted those tests 2 weeks ago...right when I ordered them. But God had them come to me right when it was on His timing…yesterday. Right when I was ovulating. God is good and I trust in His perfect plan and His perfect timing.
I ordered those ovulation tests 2 weeks ago, and they still hadn’t come in. So I was thinking-I'm not going to get pregnant because I have no idea when I’m ovulating! In school last night the devotional was on using God’s name in vain and on God’s timing. The instructor said:
“God is never late. He is always on time. We may have wanted to him to be on our schedule 2 weeks ago, but he is always right on time.”
When I got home, my ovulation tests had come in and so I took one and guess what??
I was ovulating! We “tried” for our last time of this cycle. This morning I was thinking about the devo last night. Isn’t it cool how God was right on time? I wanted those tests 2 weeks ago...right when I ordered them. But God had them come to me right when it was on His timing…yesterday. Right when I was ovulating. God is good and I trust in His perfect plan and His perfect timing.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
What's All This Talk About Patience?
When we pray at night for our future baby and for blessings on our baby making, we always pray that God will give us patience to accept his timing. Lately I have been bombarded with that word "patience" and even today at church they talked about accepting God's timing and be patient. Hubby nudged me when the pastor said that because he knows I have issues with patience.
So what does this all mean? Does this mean that God is preparing my heart like I've asked him to by letting me know that we are in fact not going to be pregnant this month? Is that what all this patience talk is about? My first reaction is UGH! I don't want to have to be patient. I want to be pregnant. All this trying is going to be for nothing?
I know this is the not the right reaction, but God calls us to be honest with him. So I am being honest. I know God sees my whole life and not just today, like I do. And let me remind you-- I have no idea if I am pregnant or not! I still have the dreaded "two week wait". So why am I getting my panties in a wad already? I'm not sure exactly. I guess I'm trying to prepare myself for the disappointment of not being pregnant. I may be, I may not be. Either way, it will be God's plan. I'm just struggling with this patience thing.
I guess I'm going to have to pray for God to help me accept his timing and help me accept having to be patient. Whether that means I need patience for this next two weeks and then he will bless us with being pregnant, or it may mean I am going to have to wait until after November to think about baby making again. Either way, I still need God to help me accept this whole patience thing.
So what does this all mean? Does this mean that God is preparing my heart like I've asked him to by letting me know that we are in fact not going to be pregnant this month? Is that what all this patience talk is about? My first reaction is UGH! I don't want to have to be patient. I want to be pregnant. All this trying is going to be for nothing?
I know this is the not the right reaction, but God calls us to be honest with him. So I am being honest. I know God sees my whole life and not just today, like I do. And let me remind you-- I have no idea if I am pregnant or not! I still have the dreaded "two week wait". So why am I getting my panties in a wad already? I'm not sure exactly. I guess I'm trying to prepare myself for the disappointment of not being pregnant. I may be, I may not be. Either way, it will be God's plan. I'm just struggling with this patience thing.
I guess I'm going to have to pray for God to help me accept his timing and help me accept having to be patient. Whether that means I need patience for this next two weeks and then he will bless us with being pregnant, or it may mean I am going to have to wait until after November to think about baby making again. Either way, I still need God to help me accept this whole patience thing.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
3 Days and Counting
We have been trying for 3 days now...well 5 days, but 3 days if you count the actual "trying" days. It's been really fun and we are trying to not make it mundane and boring.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up completely. I talked to a lady today who has been trying for 3 months and she is kind of bummed it hasn't happened yet. I also know of a lady who it took 6 years to have a baby. I'm just praying for God to prepare my heart...for whatever may happen. I'm not sure really what to expect. I'm trying to expect nothing, but you know how hard that is.
I think I'm ovulating today. My ovulation tests and pregnancy tests have not come in yet; I was hoping they would come in yesterday or today. So I don't know for sure if I'm ovulating, but I'm feeling some left sided pain. My ovarian cyst is on the right side, so it very well may be ovulation.
I read on a website that women who drink tea are 7 times more likely to conceive than those who do not. Therefore, I'm drinking some French Vanilla Tea right now. It's pretty good, but tea isn't my favorite. I'd rather drink a Diet Coke.
I'll continue to write on how I'm feeling during this time and keep everyone (all zero of my followers) updated.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up completely. I talked to a lady today who has been trying for 3 months and she is kind of bummed it hasn't happened yet. I also know of a lady who it took 6 years to have a baby. I'm just praying for God to prepare my heart...for whatever may happen. I'm not sure really what to expect. I'm trying to expect nothing, but you know how hard that is.
I think I'm ovulating today. My ovulation tests and pregnancy tests have not come in yet; I was hoping they would come in yesterday or today. So I don't know for sure if I'm ovulating, but I'm feeling some left sided pain. My ovarian cyst is on the right side, so it very well may be ovulation.
I read on a website that women who drink tea are 7 times more likely to conceive than those who do not. Therefore, I'm drinking some French Vanilla Tea right now. It's pretty good, but tea isn't my favorite. I'd rather drink a Diet Coke.
I'll continue to write on how I'm feeling during this time and keep everyone (all zero of my followers) updated.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Attempts Commence
It's about to commence...our baby making attempts. Tomorrow is the day. I was nervous, but now I am ready! The only issue is the Dollar Store is out of ovulation tests! I had to order them online here:
http://www.accuratepregnancytests.com/index.html
They are pretty cheap! You get some discounts for ordering in bulk-- not like 100 bulk, but more like 5-20. It's great. Oh well, they will get here when they get here.
I'm giving it all to God. The other day I started thinking about everything, the planning, the what ifs, the things that COULD happen. It started to dirving me crazy and I just gave it completely to God. I asked God to take care of it, to let it happen when it happens. I can't worry about it or control anything about it. It's the one thing you have NO control over. I'm much more at ease now that I know that God has it under control.
The hubby and I are planning a vacation in November, so we have decided that if it doesn't happen right away (aka this month) we are going to wait until after vacation to keep trying. If we got pregnant now, I would be ~16 weeks pregnant on the trip. If we got pregnant anytime after August up until the trip, I could be pretty sick with morning sickness. Again-- COULD. Everyone is different, so I have no idea. But I'm not risking it. So we will just play it by ear.
We have a fun date planned for tomorrow and we have been looking forward to it all week. I want things to be relaxed, non-pressured, and FUN!
Here it goes!
http://www.accuratepregnancytests.com/index.html
They are pretty cheap! You get some discounts for ordering in bulk-- not like 100 bulk, but more like 5-20. It's great. Oh well, they will get here when they get here.
I'm giving it all to God. The other day I started thinking about everything, the planning, the what ifs, the things that COULD happen. It started to dirving me crazy and I just gave it completely to God. I asked God to take care of it, to let it happen when it happens. I can't worry about it or control anything about it. It's the one thing you have NO control over. I'm much more at ease now that I know that God has it under control.
The hubby and I are planning a vacation in November, so we have decided that if it doesn't happen right away (aka this month) we are going to wait until after vacation to keep trying. If we got pregnant now, I would be ~16 weeks pregnant on the trip. If we got pregnant anytime after August up until the trip, I could be pretty sick with morning sickness. Again-- COULD. Everyone is different, so I have no idea. But I'm not risking it. So we will just play it by ear.
We have a fun date planned for tomorrow and we have been looking forward to it all week. I want things to be relaxed, non-pressured, and FUN!
Here it goes!
Monday, July 18, 2011
It's a....
So I have a cyst...a 6 cm one. On my right ovary. I called this morning and scheduled an appointment for Thursday, but the pain got worse throughout the day. I called the doctor back and got an appointment this afternoon. I'm not pregnant, but they did do an ultrasound and found a 2 inch cyst. I got freaked out and hyperventilated without realizing it, and then almost passed out and threw up. Story of my life. The doctor said it will be okay, it should go away on its own. I'm worried about it rupturing and hurting like crazy. She said it shouldn't affect my fertility, which is a plus. My anxiety is gone, but the pain isn't completely. I'm sure it will get better, I'm just glad I know what it is now.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Anxious
I feel ancy right now. I'd like to think it is because I don't want to do my homework, but I think it is deeper than that. There is a chance I could be pregnant. I have been having some pelvic/ovary pain for the last few days. I looked up my symptoms online and it says it could be ovarian cysts. That freaks me out. It could just be a UTI because I have been drinking a ton of water lately. I think I'm going to make an appointment with my OB/GYN this week to find out.
I took a pregnancy test today. Two actually. I took them 6 days before my period is expected, so I know they wouldn't show up positive even if I was. I just realized I would be kind of sad if I wasn't. I've had months where I thought I was before, but I was okay with not being pregnant. I think I will be sad if I'm not. But there is always next month if I'm not. I will go to my OB/GYN this week and get a urine test, a pregnancy test, and get them to check for ovarian cysts. Maybe the pain is normal; I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid and notice things more than usual. Time will tell!
I took a pregnancy test today. Two actually. I took them 6 days before my period is expected, so I know they wouldn't show up positive even if I was. I just realized I would be kind of sad if I wasn't. I've had months where I thought I was before, but I was okay with not being pregnant. I think I will be sad if I'm not. But there is always next month if I'm not. I will go to my OB/GYN this week and get a urine test, a pregnancy test, and get them to check for ovarian cysts. Maybe the pain is normal; I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid and notice things more than usual. Time will tell!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
A Step in the Right Direction
Each night we remember, the hubby and I take turns praying out loud before bed. Lately, I've been praying for our future family and that God would prepare us to be good parents. I've encouraged him to pray for that too, but he hadn't....until last night! It was his turn and he prayed for our future family and for God to bless us with children when the time is right. It really made my heart happy! It was a reassurance that we are on the right track, in this together, and on the same page.
Today I made a TTC (trying to conceive) calendar. I called my doctor today and asked the receptionist when to "try" for a baby. She said every other day between day 8 and 18 of my cycle. So, I made a calendar based on the fertility tracker on my phone. I put a big X on day 1-5 (my "cycle" days) and then I put a big green smiley face every other day from days 8-18. I actually put one on 20, too. Just for good measure. Then I put a big black star on the day my next cycle is supposed to start. Or it could be the lucky day we find out we are pregnant. We'll see, but at least I have made a plan. Oh my desire to plan everything. I showed it to my hubby tonight and he said "Cool." That was about all he said. I think he's on board though; my husband is a man of few words.
So we've made another step in the right direction. The TTC calendar of beginning to TTC starts on July 30th! 30 more days! I can't wait!
Today I made a TTC (trying to conceive) calendar. I called my doctor today and asked the receptionist when to "try" for a baby. She said every other day between day 8 and 18 of my cycle. So, I made a calendar based on the fertility tracker on my phone. I put a big X on day 1-5 (my "cycle" days) and then I put a big green smiley face every other day from days 8-18. I actually put one on 20, too. Just for good measure. Then I put a big black star on the day my next cycle is supposed to start. Or it could be the lucky day we find out we are pregnant. We'll see, but at least I have made a plan. Oh my desire to plan everything. I showed it to my hubby tonight and he said "Cool." That was about all he said. I think he's on board though; my husband is a man of few words.
So we've made another step in the right direction. The TTC calendar of beginning to TTC starts on July 30th! 30 more days! I can't wait!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Pee On a Stick
I have seen this website linked on another blog, but I finally checked it out. It's pretty interesting. It's everything you would ever want to know (and not want to know) about home pregnancy tests and ovulation tests. Some of the stuff is pretty humerous. Check it out!
http://www.peeonastick.com/
I need to head to the Dollar Store and buy some more home pregnancy tests before August. The site says they are pretty sensitive (to HCG) and only $1!
http://www.peeonastick.com/
I need to head to the Dollar Store and buy some more home pregnancy tests before August. The site says they are pretty sensitive (to HCG) and only $1!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Quickly Approaching
August. 2 months from now. It's coming up. I can't wait! Hubby and I are talking more and more about it. Discussing what we would do if we had kids, what we could not do, etc. We are looking into planning a vacation and we want to do something we normally wouldn't be able to do with kiddos. Maybe a cruise? I can't believe August is so close.
I took a pregnancy test yesterday. I have no idea why; there was really no way I could have been. But I took one, just in case I was. I wasn't. Oh well, I wasn't too worried about it.
I took a pregnancy test yesterday. I have no idea why; there was really no way I could have been. But I took one, just in case I was. I wasn't. Oh well, I wasn't too worried about it.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Positive Test!
Ovulation test that is. Don't get too excited just yet. I took the advice of a friend who said to try out the ovulation tests and track your cycle that way. I bought some for $1 at the Dollar Store and used one when my Fertility Tracker said I was supposed to ovulate. It didn't show up, but man this one did:
It showed up pretty quickly. So of course I run to hubby and say-- "I'm ovulating, I'm ovulating!" How sexy, right? Not! He said it wasn't time and August was the time we agreed on. So I guess I'm waiting. But it does do something to you when you figure out it's "the time" to try to make a baby. But oh well! I'm assuming it happens every month, so now I know when to test again...12 days before the end of my cycle. I just HAD to blog about the exciting news. :)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Ideas
I have to write these down before I forget....and I still probably will forget!
When we do become pregnant, I want to tell the whole family with a group dinner and everyone will get an envelope. In the envelope will be a note to each person reading something like:
"Dear MiMi,
I'm so excited to meet you blah blah.
Love,
Baby"
I'll put when I'm due in the blah blah blah.
Then, when we find out what it is, I want to put something in an envelope or present that is boyish or girlish. Something like that, and make everyone open it.
I have always thought of cute ways to tell the hubby we are pregnant, but I want him to be with me when I take the pregnancy test, so he will already know!!
Ok, those are my random thoughts of what to do so my future pregnant brain doesn't forget.
When we do become pregnant, I want to tell the whole family with a group dinner and everyone will get an envelope. In the envelope will be a note to each person reading something like:
"Dear MiMi,
I'm so excited to meet you blah blah.
Love,
Baby"
I'll put when I'm due in the blah blah blah.
Then, when we find out what it is, I want to put something in an envelope or present that is boyish or girlish. Something like that, and make everyone open it.
I have always thought of cute ways to tell the hubby we are pregnant, but I want him to be with me when I take the pregnancy test, so he will already know!!
Ok, those are my random thoughts of what to do so my future pregnant brain doesn't forget.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The "What Ifs"
I got a Proverbs 31 devotion to my inbox at work the other day and didn't have the time to read it right away. I always read the verse at the beginning to see what it is about. I realized it was about peace...something we all need. Something I need.
Here is a link to the awesome devotion written by Glynnis Whitwer:
Facing the "What-ifs" with Courage
The things that stood out the most to me are:
"Fear isn’t always logical. If it were, I could spout statistics and they would bring me peace as I wait for answers. Or, I could gain comfort from assurances spoken by well-meaning friends that “nothing will happen.”
But deep in my heart, I know there’s no promise I’ll be free from trouble in this life. In fact, I’m usually either getting out of trouble, currently in trouble, or about to meet trouble around the next corner."
"I’m now better armed to face the “what ifs” of life. Instead of focusing on what I don’t know, I focus on what I do know. Above all, I know Jesus’ peace will be with me. The storms may come, the waters will rise, but I can have peace. This is a promise from One who has never lied.
I may not know the future, but I’m clinging to the One who does; the One who is prepared to face what may come. I’m confident Jesus will not abandon me, He still works miracles, and will make sure that I’m cared for. That’s what I know."
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)."
Here is a link to the awesome devotion written by Glynnis Whitwer:
Facing the "What-ifs" with Courage
The things that stood out the most to me are:
"Fear isn’t always logical. If it were, I could spout statistics and they would bring me peace as I wait for answers. Or, I could gain comfort from assurances spoken by well-meaning friends that “nothing will happen.”
But deep in my heart, I know there’s no promise I’ll be free from trouble in this life. In fact, I’m usually either getting out of trouble, currently in trouble, or about to meet trouble around the next corner."
"I’m now better armed to face the “what ifs” of life. Instead of focusing on what I don’t know, I focus on what I do know. Above all, I know Jesus’ peace will be with me. The storms may come, the waters will rise, but I can have peace. This is a promise from One who has never lied.
I may not know the future, but I’m clinging to the One who does; the One who is prepared to face what may come. I’m confident Jesus will not abandon me, He still works miracles, and will make sure that I’m cared for. That’s what I know."
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)."
Monday, May 30, 2011
Baby Weekend
I haven't written in a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking baby! This weekend we went and saw some friends of ours that recently had babies.
One couple had a baby two weeks ago. Their sweet boy was teeny tiny it seemed. He actually was almost 9 pounds when born, but he just had these little fingers and little bitty toes. In all reality, it freaked me out. I can't imagine having something that little to take care of. Someone told me today mothering all comes naturally, but still. It just scared me.
Also, we saw another baby boy that is now almost 6 months. The last time I saw him was when he was in the NICU born 1 month prematurely. He is A LOT bigger than the last time I saw him and SO happy and cute! He was a sweet boy, and kept gagging himself by putting his fingers in his mouth. I just wanted to eat him up.
We wanted to see another baby, but they weren't home. It seemed to be baby weekend! It's weird how I go back and forth between wanting a baby and being scared to death. In due time, I'm sure things will even out. Let's hope!
One couple had a baby two weeks ago. Their sweet boy was teeny tiny it seemed. He actually was almost 9 pounds when born, but he just had these little fingers and little bitty toes. In all reality, it freaked me out. I can't imagine having something that little to take care of. Someone told me today mothering all comes naturally, but still. It just scared me.
Also, we saw another baby boy that is now almost 6 months. The last time I saw him was when he was in the NICU born 1 month prematurely. He is A LOT bigger than the last time I saw him and SO happy and cute! He was a sweet boy, and kept gagging himself by putting his fingers in his mouth. I just wanted to eat him up.
We wanted to see another baby, but they weren't home. It seemed to be baby weekend! It's weird how I go back and forth between wanting a baby and being scared to death. In due time, I'm sure things will even out. Let's hope!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Quoteable Quotes
Two things have stuck out to me this past weekend:
"We're given what we're given."
and
"Nervous is normal, fear is a choice."
We're given what we're given--
Hubby and I were eating at Applebee's and I was word vomitting all the things I am worried about when it comes to making and having a baby. What if I have a miscarriage? What if the baby is born early? What if the baby has a disability? What if, what if, what if. I worry about these things, a lot. My hubby's simple response was, "We're given what we're given. There is nothing we can do about it."
That comment really struck me. God does give us what He gives us. There is not much I can do to control it. Sure, I can eat the right things, do the right things, etc. But when it comes down to it, there is not much I can do. Except pray. And I have been. Praying for a healthy baby, praying that we would be good parents. Praying.
Nervous is normal, fear is a choice--
I heard this today at church. And I almost started crying. I knew God was speaking directly to me through this pastor. It's as if God was saying, "Yes, it is normal to be a little nervous. But fear? That is your choice, and there is no fear in love." I need to trust in Him that he will take care of me. No matter what.
I thank God that He talks to me and is relevant in my life. Another thing that I read in my Bible study was "when we see things changing, we should consider that God is up to something." Hubby has been more apt to talk about having a baby, even telling others about it when asked/probed. This is new, and I get excited about it. I think, "well, all my reverse pyschology must have paid off!" But no, it's God. When things change, it means God is up to something. God is working on my hubby's heart, I don't have to. God has it under control. I'm so thankful for that.
"We're given what we're given."
and
"Nervous is normal, fear is a choice."
We're given what we're given--
Hubby and I were eating at Applebee's and I was word vomitting all the things I am worried about when it comes to making and having a baby. What if I have a miscarriage? What if the baby is born early? What if the baby has a disability? What if, what if, what if. I worry about these things, a lot. My hubby's simple response was, "We're given what we're given. There is nothing we can do about it."
That comment really struck me. God does give us what He gives us. There is not much I can do to control it. Sure, I can eat the right things, do the right things, etc. But when it comes down to it, there is not much I can do. Except pray. And I have been. Praying for a healthy baby, praying that we would be good parents. Praying.
Nervous is normal, fear is a choice--
I heard this today at church. And I almost started crying. I knew God was speaking directly to me through this pastor. It's as if God was saying, "Yes, it is normal to be a little nervous. But fear? That is your choice, and there is no fear in love." I need to trust in Him that he will take care of me. No matter what.
I thank God that He talks to me and is relevant in my life. Another thing that I read in my Bible study was "when we see things changing, we should consider that God is up to something." Hubby has been more apt to talk about having a baby, even telling others about it when asked/probed. This is new, and I get excited about it. I think, "well, all my reverse pyschology must have paid off!" But no, it's God. When things change, it means God is up to something. God is working on my hubby's heart, I don't have to. God has it under control. I'm so thankful for that.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Step 1: Admit you have a problem...or in this case....something to try for!
New step-- I have begun telling people we will most likely start trying in August. I am actually not hesistant, but pretty excited to tell people. It's hard to not talk about things you are excited about or expecting (no pun intended).
I'm still trying to discern God's voice in this situation and make sure this is truly the best time to try. I can't believe August is 3 months away! 3 months. Wow. Not a very long time.
I don't have very many other thoughts tonight, but am always thinking of and about the future... :)
I'm still trying to discern God's voice in this situation and make sure this is truly the best time to try. I can't believe August is 3 months away! 3 months. Wow. Not a very long time.
I don't have very many other thoughts tonight, but am always thinking of and about the future... :)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Look Who's Talkin' Now
This weekend included a lot of baby talk....from everyone else. Don't you love how that happens? It seems to come in waves. It started with someone at work asking me if I was pregnant? Now, listen, do I LOOK pregnant? I know my belly is kind of fat, well, fatter than normal, but I am not pregnant. He said he "heard" it from somewhere and wanted to ask.
It continued on Saturday night with some friends asking when we were going to start trying to have babies. My hubby actually was the one who mentioned I had something in July and then we were going to start. Looks like he is on board with "my" plan. I put "my" in parentheses because God may have a totally different plan for us, and I'm ready and willing for it.
Today, my sweet 5-year-old niece and I were sitting in church. There was a SUPER cute baby in front of us and the conversation kind of went like this:
Me: "Do you want me to have one of those?"
Niece: "Yes."
Me: "Do you want me to have a boy or a girl?"
Niece: "Girl."
Me: "Well, we want to have a boy."
Niece: "Have one of each. You can hold the girl and he can hold the boy."
Haha! It was too cute. Twins? Oh no, no thank you. I don't know if I would be cut out for that. But I'd be thankful for anything.
All this baby talk makes me want to have a baby in my belly. Oh and I took maternity pictures for a friend today, too. More baby talk! I love it, I love it, I love it.
I also got the SWEETEST text from a friend today. It said, "Happy almost Mother's Day! I know you aren't a mama yet, but I KNOW the Lord will bless you richly....and you'll be one soon! Praying for the desires of your heart this morning." Man, oh man. That was the sweetest thing, and I am so thankful for friends like her. God really knows what he is doing.
It continued on Saturday night with some friends asking when we were going to start trying to have babies. My hubby actually was the one who mentioned I had something in July and then we were going to start. Looks like he is on board with "my" plan. I put "my" in parentheses because God may have a totally different plan for us, and I'm ready and willing for it.
Today, my sweet 5-year-old niece and I were sitting in church. There was a SUPER cute baby in front of us and the conversation kind of went like this:
Me: "Do you want me to have one of those?"
Niece: "Yes."
Me: "Do you want me to have a boy or a girl?"
Niece: "Girl."
Me: "Well, we want to have a boy."
Niece: "Have one of each. You can hold the girl and he can hold the boy."
Haha! It was too cute. Twins? Oh no, no thank you. I don't know if I would be cut out for that. But I'd be thankful for anything.
All this baby talk makes me want to have a baby in my belly. Oh and I took maternity pictures for a friend today, too. More baby talk! I love it, I love it, I love it.
I also got the SWEETEST text from a friend today. It said, "Happy almost Mother's Day! I know you aren't a mama yet, but I KNOW the Lord will bless you richly....and you'll be one soon! Praying for the desires of your heart this morning." Man, oh man. That was the sweetest thing, and I am so thankful for friends like her. God really knows what he is doing.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Intentions
So I have been having this urge lately (really like a day or two) to sponsor a child through Compassion International or Food for the Hungry. I told my hubby tonight that I wanted to do that, and I came upon a realization. Do I want to sponsor a child to help a child, or am I attempting to fill a void of wanting my own child? I do think it would be good for us to do something as a couple like that, to help a child that needs it. But I think what I really want is to connect with a child, feel like a child needs me, or that I am affecting the well-being of a child-- my own child.
This, if anything, confirms my desire for a baby. My friend told me today that God puts prayers in our heart for things that are to be. Lately I have been praying for my future baby. She was saying that I am praying for that because it is a desire of my heart, and God wants to give me the desires of my heart, in HIS timing. That is the kicker. His timing, not mine. Honestly though, I'm okay with waiting until God tells me to. I'm just trying to discern his voice.
I learned in my Bible Study last night that God speaks through the Bible. The verses I'm meditating on are:
Isaiah 33:6- And there shall be stability in your times, an abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the reverent fear and worship of the Lord is your treasure and His. (Amplified Bible)
Zephaniah 3:17- For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. (New Living Translation)
While I am not sure how God will reveal these as relavant in my life right now, but I am thinking on them and on Him often.
This, if anything, confirms my desire for a baby. My friend told me today that God puts prayers in our heart for things that are to be. Lately I have been praying for my future baby. She was saying that I am praying for that because it is a desire of my heart, and God wants to give me the desires of my heart, in HIS timing. That is the kicker. His timing, not mine. Honestly though, I'm okay with waiting until God tells me to. I'm just trying to discern his voice.
I learned in my Bible Study last night that God speaks through the Bible. The verses I'm meditating on are:
Isaiah 33:6- And there shall be stability in your times, an abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the reverent fear and worship of the Lord is your treasure and His. (Amplified Bible)
Zephaniah 3:17- For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. (New Living Translation)
While I am not sure how God will reveal these as relavant in my life right now, but I am thinking on them and on Him often.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Fun Dayspring Wall Tile
So I won a Dayspring coupon code from a blog giveaway! Here is what I got with my $20--
I know, I know...I'm not pregnant. But I can't WAIT to put this in my baby's room when I am blessed with one. And it was free money, so therefore being the planner I am I got it. This verse is from 1 Samuel and Hannah says it. Now I'm beginning to like the name Samuel for a boy because Samuel means "because I asked the Lord for him".
I'm beginning to be intentional about praying for a baby. I know God knows my heart longs to have a baby, but I want to be faithful in praying for it.
I can't wait until I can actually hang this on the wall one day!
I'm beginning to be intentional about praying for a baby. I know God knows my heart longs to have a baby, but I want to be faithful in praying for it.
I can't wait until I can actually hang this on the wall one day!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Thoughts for Today
I've been thinking today of worries that I have for the future as it pertains to baby making. I keep hearing stories about people that have had issues getting pregnant. I feel like God doesn't want me to worry though, but rather to pray. Pray for God's will. Whether that is for me to get pregnant right away when we start trying or whether it is for it to take a while. Either way, God is there and God loves me.
I also want to record the names I like for babies because I always forget the names I like.
Boy Names
Jackson
I also want to record the names I like for babies because I always forget the names I like.
Girl Names
Olivia
Olivia
Abigail Grace
Hannah Claire
Jackson
Jake
Cooper
Also, today I told my hubby it was May 1st which meant it was May--when we were supposed to "talk" about having a baby. He corrected me and said we would talk about it when we had been married 1 year. So I have another month, and then I guess we can actually talk about it seriously. Those are my random thoughts for today.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Where We Are
The hubby and I decided a while ago that we would starting talking about babies when we have been married 1 year. Since that time is coming up, I'm beginning to think more and more about it. Everyone has their own opinion on when to have children: wait 3 years, wait 5 years, go for it, wait at least 10 years. I think it is different for everyone, so I try to take those recommendations with a grain of salt.
I have a big event coming up in July, so my plan (in my own mind, sometimes I think hubby is on the same page, other times not) is to begin trying in August. I have really been thinking about this, and am not sure if I am ready. Are you ever ready though? But we aren't having a baby right now, so I have got some time to prepare.
I am in the process of making a baby bucket list, a list of things to do before you have a baby. I will post that sometime soon.
I have also really been praying about the situation. Waiting/expecting to hear from God as to when is the correct time. I have been reading the stories of Hannah and Sarah in the Old Testament.
Hannah couldn't have children. She prayed and prayed, and one day pleaded with God. Before he had even answered her, she thanked him for what he did, and went on her way. She felt confident God would answer her prayer. This story means a lot to me because I prayed to God to be healed from a physical ailment, and had to have the faith that he could/would. When he did allow healing, I knew it was because of my faith.
Sarah couldn't have children and was old. God told her that she would have a child in 1 year, but she jumped the gun and got her slave woman to have a child with her husband, Abraham. And in 1 year, Sarah had a baby, too. God blessed her even though she didn't listen.
I realize that I have to be obedient to what God says. If he says not to have a child right now, I have to obey. Something that I heard the other day was, "Are you being obedient to what God has blessed you with now?" So I ask myself, am I being the best wife I can be right now? I need to work on being the best wife, so I can be a good mother, too. It kind of put things in perspective as I'm attemping to patiently wait on baby making time. I'm here, I'm ready (I think), I'm willing.
I have a big event coming up in July, so my plan (in my own mind, sometimes I think hubby is on the same page, other times not) is to begin trying in August. I have really been thinking about this, and am not sure if I am ready. Are you ever ready though? But we aren't having a baby right now, so I have got some time to prepare.
I am in the process of making a baby bucket list, a list of things to do before you have a baby. I will post that sometime soon.
I have also really been praying about the situation. Waiting/expecting to hear from God as to when is the correct time. I have been reading the stories of Hannah and Sarah in the Old Testament.
Hannah couldn't have children. She prayed and prayed, and one day pleaded with God. Before he had even answered her, she thanked him for what he did, and went on her way. She felt confident God would answer her prayer. This story means a lot to me because I prayed to God to be healed from a physical ailment, and had to have the faith that he could/would. When he did allow healing, I knew it was because of my faith.
Sarah couldn't have children and was old. God told her that she would have a child in 1 year, but she jumped the gun and got her slave woman to have a child with her husband, Abraham. And in 1 year, Sarah had a baby, too. God blessed her even though she didn't listen.
I realize that I have to be obedient to what God says. If he says not to have a child right now, I have to obey. Something that I heard the other day was, "Are you being obedient to what God has blessed you with now?" So I ask myself, am I being the best wife I can be right now? I need to work on being the best wife, so I can be a good mother, too. It kind of put things in perspective as I'm attemping to patiently wait on baby making time. I'm here, I'm ready (I think), I'm willing.
Here We Go
So I've been thinking about starting an anonymous blog as a way to release my thoughts as me and my husband lead up to and begin to try for a baby! So here it goes. I just want to write my thoughts, my struggles, my hopes, etc. Hopefully, in a year or so, I will able to post that we are positively pregnant with a beautiful baby, perfectly made by God!
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